Queen scores 50th international goal
From Sir Howard Elston, at pitchside as the monarch passes Bobby Charlton’s record.
Howard’s big bad question bonanza
Sir Howard Elston, the smartest guy in the newsroom because he can access Wikipaedia from a magic chip implanted in his pancreas, responds to your frantic queries.
Howard Exclusive: Immigrants to be given seats in the House of Lords
Sir Howard Elston, our Westminster correspondent, reports on a new initiative to solve two problems at once.
Howard shock exclusive: Cumbo to play Trump
Our man in the front stalls with the bag of caramel popcorn, Sir Howard Elston, with a world-first scoop from Theatreland.
Howard: Thousands queue to live in Dismaland UK
Howard Elston, our entertainments editor, reports on today’s biggish story.
Top Goon
Sir Howard Elston, our entertainment editor recently released from prison for punching one of our sub-editors, reports on Chris Evans’ new job as Clarkson’s successor
Howard shock exclusive: the Septic Bladder Interview
Sir Howard Elton, confidante of the football world and its poverty-stricken players, sits down with disgraced FIFA boss Septic Bladder. < /strong>
The Elston Report: UKIP closes in on ancient Palmyra
Lord Howard Elston (DOA), war reporter par excellence, details how Nigel Farage is intent on taking the timeless crossroads of the world in northern Syria.
Scotland to join Warsaw Pact- Howard Exclusive
Sir Howard Elston (DOA), our Berlin Wall reporter, with an exclusive to end all exclusives
Big Fight Countdown: Mayweather v Cameron
Sir Howard Elston brings you up to scratch about the fight of the decade.
Howard’s exclusive interview with the bank that likes to say theft
Sir Howard Elston, the reporter who stands up for the weak, reveals the truth and is never short of a freebie sits down with HSBC international regulatory boss Tristan da Cunha over the bank’s plan to leave Britain and move somewhere more kind to finance.
Hillary to “buy the UK’s health system”
Sir Howard Elston reports on the first chapter of the White House battle and basically repeats what is in the headline above.
Seven clowns in search of a plot
Sir Howard Elston, political correspondent to the stars, recaps the seven headed beast called the election debate.
Famous TV loudmouth to be buried today
Sir Howard Elston, our man with the remote control, gives you a rundown of today’s pomp and circumstance.
Sir Howard’s big bumper Q&A
Stumped by the Issue of the Day? Stopped in your tracks by the intrigues of this great big globe we live in? Ask Howard……
Howard intergalactic exclusive: solar eclipse shocker
Sir Howard ‘Rocketman’ Elston, confidante of the stars, reveals what you did and did not see in the sky today as scientists claimed it was a solar eclair.
THE BUDGET: Howard’s bumper bonanza analysis
Confused by the budget? Here’s our handy guide.
Howard: New Clarkson survey reveals Britain is dumb – and that’s official
Sir Howard Elston revels the contents of a shocking new poll.
Clarkson to be replaced by Piers Morgan – Exclusive from Howard
Sir Howard Elston, our motoring editor, has that first shock interview with Jeremy Clarkson after the TV star was red-carded by the BBC.
Ask Howard: Why has Murdoch hired totally innocent Rebekah Wade?
Sir Howard Elston, confidante of the stars, replies to all queries from our valued readers
Howard’s big Q&A
We answer all questions about two money-grubbing MPs.
STRAW DOG: A debit to his nation
The latest from our hard-hitting Parliamentary gossip columnist.
Howard: Je suis King Abdullah (RIP)
Sir Howard Elston, Grand Vizier of mid-east journalism, reports on the succession in Saudi Arabia, the fun-town of the world.
Fox Boss Sir Howard Elston Stands by Birmingham race story
Sir Howard Elston, chief managing editor supremo for Fox Worldwide News, on why his TV station is correct in saying Birmingham is a “Muslim-only city”
Howard: Best news story of 2014
Sir Howard Elston picks the big news story of the past year.
Howard’s Big Question
You got a Big Question and have no idea how to google? Just ask Sir Howard and get the low down on everything
Howard’s big bumptious bumper quiz
Count down to the big day with our fun-filled festive quiz.
Howard: Barack on that BIG Cuba deal
Sir Howard Elston, our Hispaniola correspondent, lights up a big fat see-gar with The Prez and talks about bringing Havana in from the cold
Howard: Something fishy in Scotland as Salmond heads for Westminster (maybe)
SIR HOWARD McELSTON, chief Westminster reporter for this website, interviews Scottish politico Alex Salmondface as he prepares to take over the world
Howard: Mystery bear held as illegal alien, faces charges
The Paddington Bear movie hit the screens in Britain this week. But as Sir Howard Elston (DOA) reports, the cute furry animal may be chucked out of the UK.