Our Howard Goes UnderGround to Report on the Inside Story of The Clarkson Affair
Our top man Howard Elston has been undercover for the past three nights as a member of the 3rd Battalion of the Jeremy Clarkson Hit Squad.
Shock Report: Dr Fox to ‘Guard The Olympics’
Dr Liam Fox will be deployed to protect the The London Olympics next year, according to secret defence plans being drawn up deep within the bowels of the MOD. The former defence minister, who left because he has mates he likes, will be used as a shield against sinister forces who want to disrupt our…
Berlusconi ‘Sold to Greece’ as Transfer Market Closes
Our diplomatic editor Sir Howard Elston has just been allowed out of jail and sends this report from Brussels
NATO Jets Ready To Pound London Activists
By Flight Lt Howard Elston, our man embedded deep within Whitehall The banking industry is ready to unleash NATO jets on anti-capitalist protestors encamped outside St Paul’s Cathedral, I have learned. Sources deep within the MOD told me this morning that the airborne force, manned solely by Bulgarian (transitional) pilots are ready to strafe and…
EXCLUSIVE: Dead Tyrant to Appear on Strictly
Guess who’s Coming to Strictly? Howard Elston, our showbiz reporter, tips us off about future guests on the bigtime show. Sources deep within the entertainment world are abuzz tonight with news that the corpse of Colonel Gaddaffi will be appearing on Strictly Come Dancing next week. He will replace the latest clunky celeb to be…
Our Howard Joins The Ranks of The Powerful
Yes, indeed, I have been hired by the former defence chief Lee Fox to head up his new research team. I will be a special advisor advising him on really important advising things now that he has decided to seek new horizons after playing with big armaments and body armour. Confirmation reached me today as…
Murdoch Holed Up in Libya as Insurgents Surround His Fortress
TOP reporter Howard Elston gives us his eye witness account from Libya on a last ditch shoot-out with an autocratic dictator The sound of desperate gunfire, a bunker engulfed in flames and the panic of a defeated and crumbling army- that’s the setting as I crouch behind a stone wall hearing the whine of tracer bullets…
Tories Push for Looters’ Lawsuit
From Howard Elston, Our Man in the Know with the Blackberry in his hand and a cheese and onion sandwich in the other Top Tories, furious at having to cancel summer holidays, are to sue rioters for loss of leisure time. PM David Cameron had to wipe out part of his Tuscan jaunt; Treasury boss…
Middle East Tyrant to Hire UK Street Thugs to Keep The Peace
By Our Chief Senior Diplomatic Correspondent Howard ‘The Ace’ Elston with the Scoop Of The Year
Exclusive: Murdoch Boss in Heart Swap Drama
By Ace Elston, our medical reporter James Murdoch, the son of mega media boss Rupert Murdoch, is to be given a real heart in place of his artificial organ, I can personally reveal. Investigations by the Elston Report research team have found that James, who so famously stumbled and disingenuously shrugged his way through the…
Clegg Has Secret Op- But Will He Change?
Nick Clegg has undergone a secret operation today on his Inner Coalition organ – and experts say it may change the way he speaks.
The Murdoch Interview: Under Siege Boss Speaks Exclusively to Us
Howard Elston, our top reporter who helped shut down the News of the World, has this EXCLUSIVE interview with Rupert Murdoch.
Screws to Shut – Thanks To Our Man Howard Elston
Monumental pressure by me, Howard Elston, has forced the Murdoch clan to shut the odious News of the World, I can self effacingly reveal.
Finally Some Sanity: News Boss to Investigate Herself
BY OUR MAN EMBEDDED IN FLEET STREET – HOWARD ‘ACE’ ELSTON, OBE
Tories Take to the Streets in Summer of Discontent
Dozens, if not hundreds, of cabinet ministers have taken to the streets today for a better financial deal following a breakdown in talks with the rest of the country.
Mass Troop Withdrawal from Battlefield Wimbledon
AN EXCLUSIVE REPORT FROM OUR SPORT EDITOR HOWARD ‘BUTCH’ ELSTON
Blatter to Rule Fifonia with An Iron Fist After Spring Revolt Fails
From our man in Fifa-ville Howard ‘Hazza’ Elston who has been witnessing incredible scenes in the capital after today’s election
Serb Thug In Line for Top NHS Job
Our Diplomatic editor Howard Elston with a shock decision by Whitehall mandarins that will rock our health service
EXCLUSIVE: Our Reporter Rises to Heaven in Rapture
Shock: Howard Elston has been swept up to heaven as part of The Rapture and files this AMAZING story from the Pearly Gates. In an astonishing event that will rock my very world (and anything above) to its very core, I found myself channelled up to heaven yesterday as part of my personal Rapture. Yes, it…
Live From Vegas: Elvis and Osama To Open Tonight on Stage
Another incredible eye-popping smash exclusive by our entertainment editor Howard Elston….
The Royal Wedding: Exclusive News of the Honeymoon
Our Royal Reporter Sir Howard Elston sends us the latest from the wedding. Prince William and Mrs Prince William will honeymoon in Damascus according to my top-tip source inside Buckingham Palace. She told me: ‘They’re young and in love and always are up for a bit of a dare and a laugh.’ ‘Harry said to either…
Killer Drone Flypast for Royal Wedding
Prince William and Mrs Prince William will enjoy a special air display when they leave Westminster Abbey
Exclusive: Lord Mayor ‘To Run for Newsreader Job’
The Lord Mayor of Birmingham has signalled he may run for ITV’s anchor spot on its Midlands news show.
Coalition To Topple Gaddafi, Says Secret Source
Coalition air strikes will continue until the Gaddafi regime tumbles, an inside defence source has told me in a shock exclusive interview.
UN: Bad Guys Must Wear Black Hats
The United Nations today unveiled its plan to lessen confusion over who to support …….
Libdems ‘Caused Blues FA defeat’- Shock Claim Exclusive
By our football reporter Howard ‘Ace’ Elston An astonishing claim surfaced today that the Libdems caused Blues to crash out of the FA quarter finals. The allegations surfaced as Birmingham City narrowly lost to Bolton 3-2 on Saturday and failed to go through the semi finals. Nick Clegg, the former Mr Niceguy of the…
Murdoch ‘enters Tripoli’ and on verge of victory
Howard Elston, our very own really good reporter, files from the Libyan frontline.
Shock Report: How to Bypass the Despots and Sell Arms
By our defence reporter Howard ‘Ace’ Elston A top secret report from Whitehall has signalled a new way to stop selling arms to despotic regimes, such as Libya, but guarantee defence jobs back here in the UK. Westminster mandarins have developed a plan, codenamed Operation Killjoy, which will protect the future for employees who make…
Birmingham ‘To Be Sold Off’-New Report Says
Another Scoop by our unflagging reporter Howard Elston The Coalition government is to sell off Birmingham in its latest gambit to save UK cash, I can reveal. New top secret documents forwarded to me at The Birmingham Press newsroom show that the Prime Minister, his Chancellor George Osborn and the Liberal democrat other guy say…
Philosophy X Factor To Return to Our Screens
Commercial station ITV today launches its new look Philosophy X Factor today with Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole among the judges to find out who is the top brainbox in Britain.