UN: Bad Guys Must Wear Black Hats

UN Initiative to help ID protestors in N Africa and the Middle East

by our diplomatic editor Howard ‘The  Ace’  Elston

The United Nations today unveiled its plan to lessen confusion over who to support as mass democratic movements sweep through North Africa and the Middle East.

As the no fly zone decision starts to take effect, the UN said in a newly agreed edict that ‘..the good guys will wear white hats from now on and the bad guys must wear black hats.’

‘It’ll help the international community figure out who to back.’ UN boss Ban Ki Moon told a press conference in New York. ‘After all, with all those jets in the air, we have to know who is who on the ground.’

‘Lately,’ he explained, ‘ there’s been a muddle here in the west between a democratic movement against dictators in one country and violent mob rule against a legitimately self appointed despot in another country.’

‘With the Hat Law, everyone will know who the good guys are and who the bad guys are and we can begin to arm the right armies to the teeth.’

David Cameron, the UK Prime Minister, immediately welcomed the move. He said outside Downing Street: ‘I want to get rid of President Qadaffi in Tripoli because he oppresses his people’

‘But I am against people in Bahrain fomenting trouble when the peaceful Saudi troops come in to help out the royal family.’

He added: ‘Now with the Libyan rebels wearing white headgear, I’ll know for sure who to support in the North African desert. And with the protestors made to wear black hats in Bahrain, I’ll remember to back the peace loving oil rich royal family.’

Design supremo Duke Snider from haute couture fashion house El Gazebo said he backed the white hat/black hat concept. ‘It’s all about statements. This will seal the deal when it comes to who looks good at the barricades.’

And President Barack Obama said in the White House: ‘Whew. Forget the no fly zone. Now we Americans will know good from evil. I wish we had figured this out for Baghdad and Kabul not to mention Vietnam, Somalia, Grenada and, for that matter, Mexico back in 1846.’