Sir Howard Elston, our entertainment editor recently released from prison for punching one of our sub-editors, reports on Chris Evans’ new job as Clarkson’s successor

Sir Howard Elston picks the big news story of the past year.

Sir Howard Elston, our Hispaniola correspondent, lights up a big fat see-gar with The Prez and talks about bringing Havana in from the cold

From our sports editor Sir Howard ‘The Iceman’ Elston (OBE)

From an embattled Sir Howard Elston, embedded with the SAS overlooking Gretna Green.

SIR HOWARD ELSTON, our celeb reporter, has had his personal photos flashed on the Net. Here, he describes his pain

HOWARD ELSTONOVICH, our all-action war correspondent, takes time off from the Mid-East to shine a light on the Ukraine crisis.

Sir Howard Elston, fun consultant to the stars, offers up his summer season quiz with prizes galore.

SIR HOWARD ELSTON (DOA), scourge of the establishment and a senior director of the Hair Stylists’ Association of Greater Manchester and Sale, reveals the shock news about the above pair of wispy blond luminaries.

Sir Howard Elston asks the pressing questions of today.

Howard Elston, our man in Rio with the rum cocktail and the ringside seat at the nude beach volleyball finals, splashes a new twist on the Luis Suarez biting incident

By Howard Elston, our man in the Mid East (of Norfolk)

HOWARD ELSTON, confidante to overpaid TV stars, has this exclusive interview with guttergums Lord Jeremy Clarkson after the tight-jeaned poser said something bad.

From our ecclesiastical editor Sir Howard Elston.

HOWARD ELSTON, our environment editor, explains how we should protect our clean air as two political losers go head to head.

Sir Howard Elston (DOA) reports from the barricades in Henley in Arden as Bad Vlad’s tanks rumble towards the sunny lanes of Warwickshire.

Our environmentally friendly correspondent Sir Howard Augustus Elston (DOA) reports semi-live from Somerset, home of the floods.

HOWARD ELSTON (DOA) sits down with Russian boss Lord Vladimir Putin of the Russian Empire to discuss his plans for peace.

Last week in this august organ, I revealed my plans for Birmingham now that I bought it in a car boot sale outside Redditch.

Sir Howard Elston, our man on the diplomatic spot, with the latest from the world’s crisis zone.

Our entertainment editor Sir Howard Elston is on the red carpet in Hollywoodtownville for the Academy Awards for Outstanding Contributions to Going to the Movies.

SIR HOWARD ELSTON (DOA) sits down for a shock chat with the worldwide organisation that the media always quotes but the public rarely meets- the much quoted International Community….

From the entertainment capital of the world, straight from the crossroads of Rodeo Drive and Alcester Road, SIR HOWARD ELSTON gives us the inside line on who will win the Oscars.