HOWARD: Exclusive Tell-All Interview with The International Community

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SIR HOWARD ELSTON (DOA)  sits down for a shock chat with the worldwide organisation that the media always quotes but the public rarely meets- the much quoted International Community….


Howard Elston (DOA): International Community…. many thanks  for sitting down with me during these crucial and dangerous times. I think we last interviewed you in Syria. Is that right?

International Community: Yes, indeed,  Sir Howard – crazy days, crazy times in the Mid East. And a telling time to broadcast our fears and hopes

HE: Now, you are quoted at least once a week during crises. Your voice is heard this week about the Urkaine- especially now that Russian tough guys have illegally taken over Crimean airports.

IC: Yes, we are suitably outraged. The Internatioal Community decries all matters of cross border aggression.

HE: For this, is Russia part of the Internatiomal Community?

international Community

international Community

IC: No, not for this one

HE: North Korea?

IC: Err… nope.

HE: Let’s move on. When the United States slammed terror suspects into cages on Guantanamo Airbase in Cuba for years on end, was the UK part of the International outcry?

IC: You gotta be kidding, Sir Howard. You are a cheeky little tinker, you are.

HE: When it was revealed that successive UK governments gave on-the-run IRA killers licence to remain free, was the USA part of the International Community lobby?

IC: Lemme check the files (check files). No, can’t say they  were actually.

HE: Who are the charter members of the International Community?

IC: Well, we have a sliding roster of members plus associate members who are called on to join in the meaningless comments whenever it is called for

HE: And who calls for it?

IC: The BBC, CNN, Fox, The Times, Canadian Broadcasting, AP, Reuters

HE: You don’t exist then.

IC: Oh yes, I mean we are quoted on TV, aren’t we? That proves we exist.

HE: Internaitomal Community, a pleasure indeed

IC: Likewise, Sir Howard…(off mike) and who do I invoice on this one?

@sirhoward elston