Syria Goes for Gold in the Olympics
Howard Elston, our sport correspondent, reveals how fighting fit Syria will work hard for victory in the London 2012 Games
Peace In Our Time : Army to ‘Take Over The UK After The Olympics’
Our security correspondent HOWARD ELSTON (OBE, DOA) unveils new plans to run Britain after The Olympics.
The Blair Interview: He Reveals All To Howard Elston (OBE)
Howard Elston (OBE, DOA) , our diplomatic editor, sits down with Tony Blair for an exclusive interview at the former PM’s exclusive HQ in someplace hot and sunny and rich
Exclusive: Carr apologises for getting nabbed in finance wheeze
Our financial editor Sir Howard Elston (OBE) lifts the lid in the Carr for Cash Fiasco and catches up with the jokester to find out what he has to say.
Ask Howard: Howard Elston (OBE, DOA) tackles the burning issues of the day.
TODAY: Will England captain John Terry leap to the defense of any of his players who fall victim to racial abuse from the thuggish Ukrainian fascists in the terraces in tonight’s big match?
ASK HOWARD: Sir Howard Elston (OBE, DOA) responds to society’s contemporary pressing issues: TODAY: Was Too Much Cash Spent On The Jubilee Knees-Up??
Sir Howard Elston (OBE, DOA) responds to society’s contemporary pressing issues:
ASK HOWARD
Sir Howard Elston (OBE, DOA) responds to society’s contemporary pressing issues: TODAY: How many points did Tory tenant Lady Warsi obtain in this weekend’s Eurovision Song Contest?
Shock Exclusive: Cameron to Act Over Law Change
Our diplomatic correspondent HOWARD ELSTON says the legal system is to be rocked to its very foundation by a new campaign in the wake of…well, everything.
Man City ‘To Buy Greece’
Howard Elston, back from a secret mission, has this exclusive to make your eyes pop.
ASK HOWARD
HOWARD ELSTON, the man who knows everything, fields the questions that plague you throughout your day: Today, Stephanie of Worcester, asks:
God: ‘I Will Run for Brum Mayor’
The Birmingham mayoral election battle has been rocked to its very foundations with exclusive news that Our Lord- aka The Eternal One- will run for the city’s top job, writes Howard Elston (OBE).
Summer in March, Snow In April. Is the Melting North Pole Icecap Ruining Our Fragile Planet?
We ask our resident Weather Guru Sir Howie Elston for the answer
Prizes Galore as Howard Joins Twitter
Sir Howard Elston has been signed up by Twitter bosses. And to celebrate, we are announcing a new prize draw for his followers After months of complicated legal negotiations, Sir Howard Elston and Twitter today announce, in a joint statement, that they are to combine forces in a campaign to deliver truth, justice and dubious…
DaveDave and Cleggo Fail To Mate: Wait ‘Til Next Year Say Experts.
From Our Animal Mating correspondent Professor Howard Elston (DOA) Two giant pandas who zookeepers tried to mate have failed in their combined attempt to make babies. Male panda DaveDave and his submissive mate Cleggo had only a 48 hour window to breed. But experts at Redditch’s internationally renowned zoo,…
Shock as Jimmy M Quits and Heads for Bradford
‘I’m outta here.’ says James Murdoch, as he announces his bid to open a hot food takeaway in Yorkshire’s most famous town. Howard Elston, our dipso-diplomatic editor, reports. James Murdoch, the young media tycoon with a head the shape of an electric lightbulb, today dramatically quit as BSkyB boss. In a letter to the board,…
Fuel Crisis: Cornish Pasties to the Rescue Shock
Our man in Parliament, Sir Howard Elston (DOA), who spends a lot of time at Greggs in his downtime, reports on a major political breakthrough for Dave Clegg and Nick Cameron. In a move that will split the country in half, the coalition has come up with a plan to stop the impending petrol strike…
Libdems in ‘Cash for Access Bribe’ Scandal
Howard Elston, our Westminster reporter, reveals vital new facts over the Cash for Access Row
Cablevision: Libdem to ‘Fight in US Elections’
Our diplomatic editor Howard K. Elston files another political scoop
Revealed: The Secret NHS Reforms
In an explosive scoop interview with no one else but me, deputy Tory leader Nick Clegg has told me, exclusively, how the NHS reforms will work once they are railroaded through Parliament. Top points are: ++As revealed on this site months ago, A new DIY health care package that sees patients perform minor surgery on…
Hot Off the Press: We Pick the Latest Oscar Favourite
Our arts correspondent, Howie Elston, reports from Hollywood on a timely movie that could grab the Oscar for best film.
Terry and Huhne in Major Jobs Swop- Exclusive
Britain has been rocked to its very footballing boots by a shock double jobs exchange. Howard ‘The Topman’ Elston with this breathless scoop
Twitchers Celebrate Arrival of The Lesser Clegg- Shock News
Howard Elston, our avian correspondent, with news from the marshes of Britain.
Extra, Extra: Hollywood Inside Scoop on the Oscars
Howie Elston, our boy in Hollywood, takes a peek at the top movies that could win an Oscar. Newsflash from California’s sun kissed coast: As I sit here with my triple White Russian and a handful of tortilla chips, news drops of the frontrunners for the Oscars- a night that all (who are invited) will…
Hollywood Star in Bid To Become Scots New Boss- Exclusive
Howard McElston, our North of Carlisle reporter, puts down his claymore to tell us about developments in Tartanonia.
Arab League to Monitor US Politics
Howard Elston, our diplomatic editor, with an intercontinental scooperoo to shock the world
Meryl In New Shock Role As She Takes on Rupert
Howard Elston, our entertainment reporter, with a scoop to send movie fans scurrying for the multiplexes. Meryl Streep, ripe for Oscar awards with her portrayal of Margaret Thatcher in the film The Iron Lady, is set to play news boss Rupert Murdoch, Hollywood insiders told me last night. Speaking to Tinseltown’s movers and shakers, I…
Clegg To ‘Become North Korean Number Two’ – Shock News
Our diplomatic editor Sir Howard Elston reveals The Big Scoop for 2012 Coalition hardman Nick Clegg today made a dramatic bid for power when he secretly signed on as North Korea’s deputy leader, it is understood. He is to become Number Two in the Pyongyang dynasty under chubby panda-like boss Kim Jong Un. Nick, resplendent…
UK Fiscal Plan Is ‘Nectar Of the Gods’- Fact
Our economics reporter, Sir Howard Elston, analyses the latest shock move by the government to rescue the UK from the hurricane of Euro fiscal disaster. The British Lion roared last night as it launched its latest campaign to buoy up sterling. In an effort to throw frogs’ legs into the face of the French and…
Clegg Sub-particle Located by Cern Scientists- Exclusive
Our science editor Howard Elston (RBI) gives us the latest in the shocking new development that will change our very lives- forever.
Clegg to Leave Government- Another Howard Elston Exclusive
Howard Elston, our Westminster editor, files this shock report on Nick Clegg’s sudden decision that he will leave government this week