Terry and Huhne in Major Jobs Swop- Exclusive

Strenuously denies everything

Britain has been rocked to its very footballing boots by a shock double jobs exchange. Howard ‘The Topman’ Elston with this breathless scoop

In a move that intertwines hothouse politics and the mud encrusted fervour of football, Chris Huhne and John Terry are to trade jobs to enhance their mutual employment prospects.

Mr Terry, the non racist England football captain, is to become Energy Secretary in the cabinet while Chris Huhne will lead the England side as it prepares for its crunch match against Lower Bratislava at Walsall’s Bescot Stadium (right near the Floor U Like outlet shop with commodious parking nearby).

Mr Terry denies strenuously the racial abuse allegations after an incident with QPR’s Anton Ferdinand. Terry, who lost the captaincy once previously, has entered a plea of not guilty to the charge.

Strenuously denies everything

The 31 year old  star will face a jury this summer after the court ruled that because he is a footballer and is a very busy and rich man his defence team can tell a judge when the trial will begin.

And Mr Huhne, the Green Supremo in the Coalition, has strenuously denied perverting the course of justice over a 2003 speeding case. It is alleged he asked his now former wife to take speeding points on his behalf. They will both appear before magistrates two days after St Valentine’s Day which is kind of cute and fun in a modern sort of way.

Mr Huhne said: ‘ I strenuously deny I did anything wrong. I strenuously  leave the Cabinet forthwith. But new opportunities excite me as I lead the England side and its over rated aged players into Bescot Stadium which is right near the Floor U Like outlet centre.’

Mr Terry added: ‘I strenuously deny the race charge. I am not a racist. Some of my best friends are Mormons. ‘

‘I look forward strenuously to the cabinet job. I know the brief because it takes a lot of energy to keep in with my teammates’  social contacts.’

‘I strenuously look forward to the cabinet portfolio except I don’t know what a portfolio is.’

Phil from Leeds, a second hand car dealer and a football pundit for the Wakefield Gazette, added: ‘Whew..what a rocket from inside the box. It fairly flew into the net and I say Terry will amaze Dave and George with his macro economics and excellent bedside manner.’

‘As for Chris, whew, what a stunner. He’ll lead our boys to victory in Bescot which is near the Floor U Like outlet centre with commodious parking nearby.’