Shock as Jimmy M Quits and Heads for Bradford

Murdoch shocker

‘I’m outta here.’ says James Murdoch, as he announces his bid to open a hot food takeaway in Yorkshire’s most famous town. Howard Elston, our dipso-diplomatic editor, reports.

James Murdoch, the young media tycoon with a head the shape of an electric lightbulb, today dramatically quit as BSkyB boss.

In a letter to the board, he said he feared becoming “a lightning rod” for the pay-TV broadcaster, and that BSkyB risked being “undermined by matters outside the scope of the company”.

“I believe that my resignation will help to ensure that there is no false conflation with events at a separate organisation,” he said in a statement that no one understood and was totally stripped of meaning.

Mr Murdoch will be replaced by the Burmese Babe Aung San Suu Kyi  today. The Rangoon soaraway beauty promised a golden era ‘of openness and honesty’ in the murky Murdoch world.

Mr Murdoch, scion of top Ozzie boss Rupert Murdoch will retain a seat on the board as a non-executive director. This means he can still thrust his nose in the golden  trough when it comes to enriching himself and gets to keep the company credit card.

In a statement, Sky bosses paid tribute to the Harvard graduate’s “vision, drive and strategic insight” and added that it is very rarely seen that a top media magnate fails to understand the illegal depths his staff plunged in hacking phones and paying off cops over the past ten years while compounding the inadequacy by hiring dubious reptilian hacks- now under police investigation- to run his grubby papers.

Mr Murdoch will take a short 6 year break from work with his family. Then he will open a hot food joint, called Murdo’s Munchies, in Bradford’s north side. ‘And, yes, ‘ he said with a Harvard aside of jocularity ‘ I will be charging VAT.’

opens takeway

Nick Clegg, who is a famous Libdem politico and does whatever the Tories say, will officially open the takeaway next Thursday.

The event comes as David Cameron, who is a well known British Prime Minister, will create a special tax free enterprise zone in a 17 metre radius around the new shop.

Mr George Galloway, the famous Bradford MP who coasted to victory by demanding British forces get out of everywhere- including the Lancashire- immediately welcomed the new business effort by Jimmy M.

‘I am a proud Bradfordian with deep roots in  Yorkshire soil. My favourite artist is David Hockney.’ he said in a written statement.

‘Even when I was a Glasgow MP or a London East End MP, I always secretly lusted after working, living in and representing Bradford,’ he said as he squeezed himself into a red catsuit for a series of Sky News TV cat food ads.