Mali Military Planes to Aid UK Troops in Belfast

OUR International reporter Sir HOWARD ELSTON, with news from the Irish front

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A Mali Air Force  C-17 cargo plane is set to leave the African nation’s main  military airport today for Belfast  to help UK soldiers and police maintain peace efforts in Northern Ireland, Ministry of Defence sources told me last night.

The first of two planes will leave Bamako International later and load up with equipment in Paris before flying to the beleaguered Irish city on Monday where Loyalist kiddie rioters are causing mayhem on a nightly basis just after Coronation Street ends on ITV

The violent protestors  are angry  about a flag somewhere flying or not flying somewhere and they say they ‘will fight to the death’… to preserve something vital that no one really understands or cares about.

Downing Street said no Mali troops would be deployed in a combat role. ‘It is simply a transport issue and we are happy that Mali is offering  its support for our street by street urban warfare in Belfast.’   English supremo and former Bullingdon Club posho-leader Dave Cameron admitted over a GnT with a dash of bitters.

The Minister for African Affairs, Lord Michael Maris, indicated Mali  personnel could also play a role in training the British forces in Northern Ireland to contain and withstand continual rebel attacks.

He said in a telephonic interface with me early this morning: ‘We have been putting boots on Belfast streets for 40 years and still have no damn idea what we’re doing. We are a failed military state and, with Mali’s help, we hope to get back on the bottom rung of the developing world ladder.”

The Mali relief planes are expected to land at Belfast International Airport late this afternoon just before Celebrity Dancing on Ice begins. This is a quiet time on Belfast streets as all of the province  usually sits down gormlessly to watch meaningless drivel on  tv.  ‘It’s a good time to relaunch our containment scenario situation.’ added Lord Mick.

A Loyalist spokesman said the  flag protests are spreading. ‘We know that allies in Wolverhampton and Doncaster are interested in knowing more about the UK flag and  all the stripey  things it is emblazoned with.’  And he added: ‘Let us make one thing clear: no one under the age of 6 is allowed to throw bottles or explosives.  We don’t want kids taking part in mindless violence.’