By Lord Howard Elston (DOA) our man under the table at Westminster cabinet meetings
Shock news today that Libdumb’s Norman ‘Mr Comb-over’ Baker, the most boring poltician in the flailing Libdumb coalition has quit his Home Office cabinet post.
“I’m sick and tired of being bullied by all those fancy-pants Tories.” he told me through tears of rage as he peddled his audio-visually enhanced exercise cycle (see above).
“It’s okay if the Bullingdon brats gave me a big paddle or two on the tush every second day in the schoolyard. I probably deserved it not having gone to Oxford. But to have a big girl like Theresa May carry out the punishment is awful. I feel awful.”
Political expert Phil from Leeds, who is also a leading second-hand car dealer, commented: “What a surprise. After four and a half years, a Libdumb dope has realised the Tories are taking the piss.”
“What a bloody genius Norm turns out to be. What a Mr Smartie for finally figuring this out after only 54 humiliating months…”
Mr Baker, is famous for, well, nothing really, and has a been a patsy in the Home Secretary’s cabinet with a portfolio handbag for crime prevention, a meaningless post that takes in graffiti, jaywalking and shouting loudly in public places.
His most successful campaign was Stop Thief!!! a three year plan that urged the public to spot burly men in stripey knitwear running from a bank with a big bag marked Swag and immediately place them under citizen arrests and bind them with double sheepshank knots until the forces of public good arrive.
But,despite this, he forlornly admits to being treated like ‘a cuckoo.’
Well, yes, in a way he is a cuckoo for even thinking Col Klegg and other Libdummies ever thought for a second their Tory rulers would give an inch on anything important.
An insider said: “The only time the Tories helped the Libdumb poodles was to give Kleggie enough rope to hang himself over the AV referendum ballot when about 6 people in the UK backed it as a serious way to vote.”
She added: “And the snooty right wingers must also have been larfing up their own backsides when Kleggie promised no tuition rises for university students and then had to admit he was going back on his weasel words to anyone who was naive enough to Think Libdumb.”
Mr Baker said working with Ms May and Co. was like “wading through mud.”
Phil from Leeds, reading his much-fondled biography of political hero Eric Varley and eating a whole food kosher sausage burrito, added: “Wading through mud? Wait’ll he takes a backbench and has to deal with Libdumb losers fighting to keep their lousy seats next May.
“Mind you, I will offer a Suburu four wheel drive with A/C to anyone who can even spot a Libdummie north of Exeter these days.”