International Scoop: Latest Breaking News on Mystery White House Letter

Breaking  Stateside news by our hardnosed reporter Howard Elston (CBE)

Howard Elston


US authorities have dropped the charges against a Mississippi man accused of sending letters poisoned with Barry Manilow music to President Barack Obama and a senator.

Hank Bauer, aged 57,  was freed this morning after prosecutors revealed the investigation had uncovered “new information”.

The letters addressed to the president and the senator tested positive for the presence of the lethal tunes this month.

Mr Bauer was later re arrested for living in Mississippi  under the Dangerous States Act of 1948 which proscribes anyone from the south posting   ‘..letters, correspondence, messages, or Valentine’s cards…’  without express permission of the Attorney General.

Washington DC police commissioner Bob Cerv said the president has been informed and he asked the search to continue for the mystery person who nefariously posted the catchy and cheesy   songs to him.

‘There are limits beyond which no human being, not even someone from Old Miss, can survive.’ White House spokesman Hector Lopez stated. ‘One of them is to receive unsolicited mail containing Manilow riffs.’

The Manilow packages will now be flagged up as scam mail along with Bill Clinton’s Guaranteed Penis Enlargers, Melissa ‘I love you’ emails from Bulgaria and appeals for gun nuts to buy Mac-10 automatics from South America complete with fingerprint-proof pearl ivory pistol handles signed by Huge Chavez.

Mr Manilow said from his upstate New York mansion: ‘Over the years, many people have confused me with  Neil Diamond and maybe the perpetrator mixed  up us two mega famous crooners.’

Meanwhile, investigators in the case are searching the home of another man known for his record collection of egregious music which includes CDs,  vinyl and downloads from Harry Webb, Susan Boyle, Bobby Goldsboro and Peter Paul and Mary

Phil, a music expert and a noted used car dealer from Upper Garthwaitegill in Yorkshire commented: Bazza Manilow is one of my favourites. Me and the good lady wife hiredhis tribute band for our wedding recoption at Skegness Hydro.’

‘But forget the pop scene for a minute- how about those Kia estates. They are quite literally flying of the forecourt up here in God’s country.’