Shock Report: Cameron to Re-Stage Olympics

Howard Elston reports


LORD HOWARD ELSTON,  our sports editor,  is back after an enforced break and community service and  says a Games re-boot is on the way.

David Cameron, Britain’s senior supremo-in-chief today told me exclusively that he has plans to re-launch the Olympics and Paralympic Games.

‘Everyone had such a good time that Gideon George Osborne and I felt we should have another go.’

‘We should not construe this great idea as a desperate, last-ditch, cynical, cackhanded way to win votes.’ he explained

But in his expansive 90 second interview with me  he alluded to other darker motives for the plan.

‘I never had the chance to get stuck on a zipwire…like some people. Nor did I get all the best punchlines…like some people.  But at least I don’t look like  Jappa the Hut with a  haystack on my head…like some people.’

‘This   is about giving people what they want- bread and circuses  while my cabinet and I work hard to put the great back into Britain.’

He has enlisted the help of world class luminaries such as  Fred Goodwin,  Prince Andrew, Gary Barlow, Mitt Romney and Liam Fox  to re-boot the Games in October. ‘There’ll be no expense  spared.’ he added  as that tiny  funny little  mouth of his tightened when I mentioned B-ris  de Pfeffel  Jo–son.

‘And I know…’ he added, ‘I know  that some people…some people who think they run London…will back me. For once. Just for bloody well once.’