From Howard ‘Ace’  Elston, our top  reporter with all the scoops that the web has to offer

Coalition air strikes will continue until the Gaddafi regime tumbles, an inside defence source has told me in a shock exclusive interview.

He said that twin leaders Commander Dave ‘The Hawk’ Cameron and his deputy Nick ‘Bagpuss’ Clegg promised they would pound the tyrant’s military bases until he fled the country and allowed the good guys- the ones from Benghazi- to take over Tripoli.

The guns-ablazing Coalition has its power base in Downing Street, London England, and has ruled the UK with an iron fist since it toppled the New Labour faction in an all-out attack last May. Now they plan to win in Libya, my contact told me in a secret Westminster control HQ.

‘Both Commander Cameron and Depute Commander Clegg are Oxbridge men. They know how to attack and rule.’ the source said.

‘They’re not like Brown, Kinnock or even Major who flunked the Cambridge Oxford test.’

The coalition has been making noises about NATO, the UN or even the NHS taking over command of the Libya military front. But my sources say tight control will remain with the coalition twin leaders.

Commander Cameron has a wide range of experience in bomber command and marketing and Bagpuss Clegg does whatever he is told, the source added. ‘Gaddafi is a goner.’ he solemnly explained as he ordered a coffee in a café near the secret command post.

Now the coalition will meet in Downing Street to sharply define the make up of the new regime in Tripoli. ‘No one really knows what the opposing forces are like.’ he said as he sipped a latte with a dash of whipped cream.

‘A secret joint UK/US report defines a rebel as someone who will give us the oil; an insurgent as someone who may give us the oil; and a terrorist as someone who will not give us the oil.’ he added as he took a nibble of an almond croissant dusted with castor sugar.

‘So take your pick and watch those petrol station prices to see where we stand and which way the victorious Coalition brass bends.’

+This Howard Elston report is the first section of a 17 part investigation into the Coalition and its role in the Libyan war. Factual content is culled and lifted from  old clippings, rumours and badly produced websites. Stay with us for more…