All the questions fit to ask are answered by our resident Euro-Lord, Howard Elston.

Laurel from Perthshire asks:

Hi Sir Howard. My question is that I’m confused because the Brexiteers don’t really seem to be offering concrete plans. Is it all pie in the sky lies and deceit?

Sir Howard responds:

Bonjour, Laurel. This may help: are you suffering from Brexit fury? Feel betrayed by hollow Leave campaign promises over the health service, freedom of movement, finances or ‘taking control’? Are you angry that Boris has bailed out after he goaded half the country to abandon the EU?

Then you need Howard’s all encompassing Leave Protection Plan.

At LPP headquarters, we will get you back all your EU rights, allow you to vote again in the referendum, grant you a two minute 1-2-1 debate-cum-chat with Mervin Gove, the Brexit buffoon who resembles the funny little guy in Ghostbusters, and, in case of emergencies, get access to an almost genuine Irish passport.

LLP also offers EuroPlus cover. It includes, for a nominal sum, a self taught digiguide on survival tactics, a secret map to a Rebel Cave in the northwest of Scotlamd, a stash of €150 in small bills and a signed daguerreotype portrait of Dave Cameron entwined in a love embrace with Jeremy Corbyn. Also on sale is our hit download mash up which includes nifty dead cool tunes from Cliff Richard, Guy Lombardo, Acker Bilk, Vanilla Fudge and Slade.

Buy LPP – and Live Free.

@sirhowardelston