The Dickhead Tapes: Trump’s last words

The US prez invites our roving reporter Sir Howard Elston to a secret sitdown in his White House bunker.

Sir Howard Elston: Trumpie, you look a little down. Not feeling tickety boo?

Donald Trump): Infamy, infamy….(dramatic pause)…

SHE: And…?

DT: They all got it in for me..enemies all around. Traitors behind every barbed wire golf cart

SHE: You say there’s  a huge postal fraud conspiracy in the..

DT: Ever since I was twelve and squashing frogs in my blue collar gated community, I’ve known there’s been plots…BIG do me in. To keep me from victory, victory, victory…But I’ll show them, I’ll show them

SHE: So, once the ballot fraud is uncovered, what happens?

DT: I will pardon myself for crimes I never committed…

SHE: And..?

DT: Run for president in 2024 with Ivanka as my Duchess and my two idiot sons as High Commissioner and Grand Vizier. Then, with powers unending I shall unleash the vultures of hell and….

(sound of creaking door, small arms fire, a frightened whimper, sound of handcuffs. Then silence…)


One thought on “The Dickhead Tapes: Trump’s last words

  1. Is it safe to raise a glass yet? How long does it take to count a few million votes? And why do you have such a ridiculous results system anyway? Perhaps India’s electoral officials could help out in future…

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