The Dickhead Tapes: Pence and nonsense

Sir Howie K. Elston, our reporter at large, sits down with Mister Veep.

I was supposed to meet with The Other Guy (writes Sir Howie). But Señor Trump has gone walkies, so at the last minute, a firm hand shoves Vice President Mike Pence (left of frame, above) in front of the camera for my 1-2-1. I ask him the vital questions of the day:

Sir Howie Elston: Mr Vice President, you’re looking natty as ever. Natterooni, indeed

Mike Pence: (re-adjusting his Brooks Brothers suit) Yes, the style gurus of Indiana said I should always wear two things..

SHE: And…they are?

MP: The pared down fashion of a depute commodore of a provincial yacht club…

SHE: (dramatic pause) And..?

MP: A vapid smile to cloak a brain cleared of thought

SHE: Which brings me to the post election crisis

MP: But we won. There is no crisis (rustles through papers frantically) says here. No crisis. We won 

SHE: Your boss melting down, ignoring democracy and lying through his teeth

MP (rustles papers) We are facing dark forces. So, we’re taking measures to make Indiana and America  great again.. . And acting fast too.

SHE: How?

MP: We’ve replaced the defence secretary, the acting undersecretary of defence policy,  our defence chief of staff, our undersecretary of defence intelligence, our head of the National Nuclear Security Administration, and when the CIA director retires (very soon), we’ll replace her too. We are preparing, in fact, for the second reign of Mr Trump

SHE: Sounds like you’re more like preparing for a coup.

MP: Not getting ready, Howard. Already underway. (The VP straightens his suit and departs and there is a bolt of electric uncertainty in the US of A)

3 thoughts on “The Dickhead Tapes: Pence and nonsense

  1. Dear Sir Howie KE – I just have to report my disagreement with your slur on the considerable brainiage of Mike TheVeep. (Just beautiful, beautiful.) He is not only a mega-intellectual in his subtle personal cosmopolitan nationalism but also a sophisticated Christian intellectual, clearly surpassing Martin Luther.

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