Sir Howard Elston, our rubbish reporter, on how Birmingham’s bin strike has suddenly ended

I am standing on the edge of a giant pit of uncollected garbage now festering in Harborne as news reaches me that the summer long industrial action is over.

Ryanair pilots are abandoning ship en masse to lend a hand and gather up the green, brown and blue bins on the city’s streets.

One captain, a senior pilot on the East Midlands to Wrogyslav route, told me over balti faggots and peas in a  trendy pavement cafe in Ward End’s boho neighbourhood: “The airline screwed up our holidays as well as the bookings for tens of thousands of our fellow Brits, including the Scots.

“The least we could do is to lend a hand in Brum’s Bin Debacle.”

From midnight tonight 737’s (see left) will land on Alcester Rd, Bristol Rd and Coventry Rd, its passenger cabins empty (see below) to allow for collection. All rubbish will be dropped over Manchester and London. “Brummies will love that,” said the pilot.

More than 46 billion wheelie bins of garbage have been festering on the streets of Britain’s second city since the strike erupted. 

Ready for rubbish

Ryanair, in a surprise move, said 39 of its planes will be offered and available because of the cancelled flights.

The New Age Bin Boys will have to wear Ryanair uniforms and stewards will offer bad tea, appalling coffee and clammy sausage sarnies as the rubbish is picked up. Loud recorded voices will offer cheap lottery tickets and glasses of bad wine will be served for £4.50 a pop.

Phil, a Walsall-based consumer affairs specialist and owner of Phil’s glitzy Big Car Market, commented: “Ryanair is tops. That white haired boss just gave me a pair of tix on the Gzsyykyk flight out of Leeds for saying that.

“Lets go Ryanair.”