Tony to Killer Dictator: ‘Keep Cool and Shoot Straight’

Killer advice

Killer advice

Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is being paid to give advice to the Kazakhstani Prez after his troops mowed down 15 in a peaceful protest. Here is the inside dope from our overseas reporter Sir Howard Elston

NEWSFLASH: dateline: Kazakhthing

I can reveal tonight details of the advice free world democrat Antoine Blair has given Kazakh hardman Nursultan Nazarbeyev after the bloody suppression of demonstrators that led to 15 deaths in the streets of the provincial town of Zhanaozen.

Here for the first time is the letter the boss of Tony Blair Associates wrote to the Kazakh killer:

“Yo Nozza!

“Tough luck on those guys who got in the way of your peaceful police action last night after they held up traffic, refused to disperse and shouted obscenities about freedom of speech and demands for basic human rights.

“You must play fair, Nozza. After all, the hard working tax payers of Kazakhstan have paid dearly for the machine guns, semi automatic weapons, tear gas and heavy artillery you have bought to protect the peace of your country and your own palaces you bought after years of selfless sacrifice.

“Tragic though the deaths are of any man, great progress has been made in your lovely country despite having no human rights. We here at Tony Blair Associates can only thank you for the blood-soaked quick payment following our invoice regarding how to handle the difficult situation and the lying biased western press who have reported how your brave police state has defended your country from those hooligans.

“Chin chin, old boy, raise a glass of Kazakh Chablis in the name of freedom and remember Tony Blair Associates is here to help any murderous thug that rules with an iron psychopathic fist.”


A. Blair

PS: That multi million pound media advice contract comes to an end in February. Why don’t you nip over to the Sedgefield Labour club one night in County Durham where Cherie and I spent so many fine nights with the unemployed of my former constituency?


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