Screengrab: Avoiding The Balls From Brazil

Screen GrabRichard Lutz avoids own goals as he guides us through the movies to watch during the tv coverage of That Thing in the Amazon

We need to talk about Thursday.

That’s the night when England (ranked 11th in the world) play Uruguay. Not only is this the country that legalised smoking weed but it is threateningly ranked fifth.


It is a crucial game (note from ed: all England games are crucial…).

So in order to relax on Thursday before, during and after the (ahem) crucial match and in order to avoid the 10PM viewing of Japan v Greece, I am going to rip and read through the day’s films. Some good ones too on this night when we will beat the Uruguay dope smokers 10-0.

First get in the the mood earlier in the day with some macho and machetto good stuff with Yojimbo (11.00, Film4). It is Kurosawa at his best as he tells of a wandering samurai flitting between two sets of baddies to make a village safe. Yes, the 1961 film, beautiful to watch, was used by Clint and Co. five years later for A Fistful of Dollars. But actor Toshiro Mifune knocks spots off early Clint.

Suitably revved up, you can dip into One Million Years BC (11.25, More4) to see a fur-lined bikini stuffed with Raquel Welsh fight giant turtles and dinosaurs. Cavemen and dinosaurs? Don’t ask. Simply don’t ask.

As the game begins, click to Edward Scissorhands (19.00,Film4). Director Burton is in charge of this goth fable starring Johnnie Depp as the sharp-handed hero with Winona Ryder and Vincent Price in support.

Mid game you have Aliens (21.00, Film4) as the wonderfully named Sigourney Weaver earns a crust by re-creating the earlier blockbuster- but with more monsters.

The game might be over by now (remember: 10-0) so celebrate with a great choice: Terminator 2 (22.00,Ch4), directed by James Cameron who was also links with the Alien series. Arnie is a good guy cyborg taking on the stone eyed T-1000 robot played blank faced by Robert Patrick. Some good in-jokes by The Black Oak as he rides a Harley in black leathers….he’s wearing the leathers, not the Harley, by the way.

Or for some real heavyweight ultra-violence try Clockwork Orange (22.00, Sky Atlantic). Kubrick’s film is menacing and includes a small army of Brit-thesps: Patrick Magee, Warren Clarke, Stephen Berkoff, Malcolm McDowell,David Prowse (later to be the body of Darth Vader), Pat Roach and Carol Drinkwater. Anthony Burgess wrote the initial novel,its theme was free will and Christian forgiveness. Despite what Kubrick did to it, he liked the film. Kubrick received death threats and had the film withdrawn from British distribution for 27 years. Talk about dystopia….