SIR HOWARD ELSTON,  our diplomatic reporter, with the latest on a mass break out of inquiries.

Sources deep within MI6, the CIA and The Kremlin have confirmed to me that the BBC inquiry,  the Stafford Hospital scandal inquiry, the Libdem non sex scandal inquiry, the Scottish priest furore and the horsemeat investigation are all to be rolled into one Mega Inquiry to be chaired by Nick Klegg.

‘Let me make it perfectly clear’  Sir Klegg told me in an early morning 121 hush hush  interview situation, ‘I am being perfectly honest and knew  nothing about anything until I agreed that I know something about something.’

‘But that doesn’t make it right or wrong.’

‘I am honoured to chair the Mega Inquiry Investigation  Inquiry.’

Mr Klegg, laptog poodle to Dave Cameron, Premier of England, said he has agreed to take charge of  the interface scenario to cure this country’s ills caused by the Labour government. ‘They mis-ruled this land of ours. They should have gone to Oxford or Cambridge like the rest of us.’

I know nothing

He agreed to talk to this website before being whisked away- too quickly, I might add- by a senior unnamed former Libdope boss who has points on his licence.

The new inquiry will focus on whether horsemeat had anything to do with the mismanagement of Stafford District Hospital when the BBC was blaming everyone else for the Savile sex scandal as a Libem boss allegedly didn’t grope women under tables during Catholic services in central  Scotalnd.

Lord Tang, a Glasgow based political commentator,  commented in a comment-y sort of way:  ‘The great thing about inquiries is no one remembers what they were about. And all the good stuff is edited out…just like the BBC did as a bearer of the torch of truth during the Savile inquiry even though half the journalists int the world knew this Savile jerk was a malign ghoul but  no one in the Beeb ever knew about it.’

And he added: ‘The BBC was honest and truthful in how it handled Savile. No one who earns more than 6 figures lost a job.’