Brits to Give Up Greek Relic to Help Hellenic Euro Cash Crisis

Our international man on the spot, Sir Howard Elston, exclusively reports on a UK initiative that shows just who put the Great  into Great Britain

The Greek cash crisis will be halted in its tracks with the announcement to be made later today that The House of Windsor is to return  Prince Phillip to Greece in order to pull the Balkan country out of its cash doldrums.

The 91 year old Duke of Edinburgh,who has been married to our Queen for more than sixty blissful years, is of Greek stock and fell desperately in love with the young Elizabeth before he even met her during his Naval days of  World War II when he was a displaced Balkan minor royal looking for a safe berth.

Now six decades later, after a lifetime of selflessly opening equestrian centres, going to the races and riding in funny horse carriages with a bowler hat,  Buckingham Palace said he will be sent back to the land of Achilles, Demi Roussos and Aristotle Onassis.

‘Once there’  a Royal spokesman explained, ‘the old boy can be cashed in for Nectar Points to help the faltering Greek economy or even gilded and made into a statue to help the tourist trade.’

Much of Britain will be very sad indeed to see the Prince, monumentally loved by Brits throughout the world,  given back to the Greeks.

‘He’s an institution here,’ said one lady sitting on a bench in Norwich’s sunshine yesterday. ‘Anytime we want to remember how mean spirited, xenophobic and subliminaly racist snotty we really are, we just have to look and see what Phillip is doing or where he has misplaced his size nine toga.’

Davis Cameron, UK Britain’s Prime Minister of the English Isles and a big wheel in Europe, said in a statement he would be sad to see the Prince airmailed back to Athens. ‘It would have been cheaper to send him sea freight and land him in Pireaus.’ he said in Parliament which is in London. ‘But we get good cut price deals with Easy Jet these days and can send stuff for a flat £80 to Athens Airport.’

Phil from Leeds, a second hand car dealer and an Hellenic political expert said: ‘Phil is past his sell by date. The last time he did anything except piss people off was during the Peloponnese Wars.’

And he added as he waxed a pair of Clios on his Leeds forecourt: ‘Beware Greeks accepting gifts. This offer will not sit comfortably in Brussels or  Headingly.’