Syrian hardman- dapper in a new suit

By Our Chief Senior Diplomatic Correspondent Howard ‘The Ace’ Elston with the Scoop Of The Year

Syrian tough guy Bashar al Assad today told me in an exclusive interview that he will hire English street rioters to help him quell disturbances in his own home country.

The Prez, as he is affectionately known by his fascist friends in Damascus, confided to me confidentially: ‘Those UK hoodie lads are like totally awesome. I’ll give ‘em £100 each per night and throw in air travel for their parents too to ensure they behave themselves when they’re off duty.’

Mr al Assad added that on arrival each deranged thug will receive a metal pole, a facemask emblazoned with the Syrian national colours and a free Blackberry with private messaging.

‘And like in a totally hugely massive deal’ he said, ‘I’ll throw in hold-all goodie bags for when they sort through the shops, innit.’

The hardline leader, who was an eye surgeon in London before turning into a murderous creep back home in Syria promised:: ‘And, like,  there’ll be no waiting lists when my English bad boys get stuck in.’

‘Also,’ he said tellingly, showing just for a second his eye towards fashion,  ‘These kids also know good quality . You just don’t see them like looting a Pound Shop or nothing. They go for Armani or Debenhams. Though I prefer something with Nectar points.’

The Syrian government has had a tough and bloody time recently trying to maintain law and order as demonstrators take to the street demanding democracy. Many have been killed or arrested or tortured.

But The Prez, looking dapper in a Slaters suit offset by a colourful cravat, was in no mood for debate: ‘I’m so totally into this. I mean, like, I’m ready to rock and roll on this one.’

And he added: ‘The kids are like totally sorted in their heads. They like got no moral qualms or nothing. They’re perfect for patrolling my streets.’

‘It would be money well-spent. Plus I need some new trainers.’

In a separate move the President’s external communications team was today bolstered with the hiring of James Murdoch as Minister of Truth. He starts his new job on Monday.

+ This website’s international editor, Phil from Leeds, adds: ‘Sources have indicated that President al Assad is giving 30 percent off any cataract operations booked before Sept 1.’