By Howard Elston, our local government reporter.

China announced today that it will buy the number 50 bus route in Birmingham, I can reveal.

In a statement from Beijing, the communist one party state said it had been looking at further investment in UK Ltd and the route would link with with its ‘inward investment situation five year plan’ in Britain.

Finance expert Phil, who runs a soaraway-success scooter rental franchise in Leeds, said: ‘They got their hands on our nuclear industry, bought out the remnant sale that was Rover, might scoop up part of the high speed network  and are now watching the French dig up Lincolnshire so the county can be fracked to death.

“Beijing had to chuck more money at our  economy to protect itself from the greedy British government which is threatening to invest in its own domestic market.’

The 50 bus route, which runs from Druids Heath to the city centre, has twice won the coveted “Most Whacko Omnibus Route in Britain’  as it steams through Kings Heath, Moseley, Balsall Heath and Digbeth.

Phil adds: ‘On top of the entertainment value of the Nifty Fifty and the ease of access to soft drugs on the upper deck, China knows that Currys and PC World are handy at the roundabout that no one knows the name of.’

‘And you can always drop off for a balti or a swim in the historic Moseley Road baths.’

In a recent copy of that august journal the Daily Express, the finance director of the China-owned Red Star Bus Group, which already runs 14 billion kilometres of routes in Shanghai, Honk Kong and Redditch, said the 50 was ‘a cash cow’ waiting for development.

No one was available in The Forbidden City today to comment. A doorman said: “All financiers from China are in  Firesale Britain chucking cash at anything that resembles a price tag.’ 

@sirhowardelston

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