It’s football, but not as we know it

Andy Munro ponders on a lengthy spell without a trip to St Andrews.

It’s a bit depressing reading regularly rehashed football news in the local paper (three stories on Maikel Kieftenbeld for example), watching old footage of matches (when I can be bothered) and hearing that clubs are doing everything from playing computer games to noughts and crosses to vainly keep competition and fandom alive.

On the latter point, at least they should be doing something with street cred such as playing something ‘proper’ like Subbuteo. The players could be six feet apart, standing at either end of the pith and playing in surgical gloves. If they’re up for it, I’ve got loads up in my loft including a set of players in Celtic colours who never lost a game (honest) in homage to my hero at that time, Bertie Auld.

Meanwhile the debate goes on about the season and I think there are three viable options on the basis it’s probably going to be August at the absolute earliest before movement of people is properly freed up:

1. Play the rest of the games behind closed doors in June. With pubs shut people could safely watch in isolation at home
2 Finish the season but add on pro rata to performance so far points for teams with games in hand
3. Start in August by finishing off the existing season, then following promotions and relegations start the new season, truncated if necessary, and doing away with the mid-winter break.

I favour 3. but either way, I don’t agree with ending the season now without the proposed caveat at (2.) above or not relegating sides in the divisions.

Meanwhile, the lack of guidance on casual sport, including football, played without spectators has been abysmal. Before the closedown of leisure centres , I was still playing five-a-side outdoors on the basis that we were more likely to catch the virus in the supermarkets, articularly as we jettisoned showering and the after match tipple. Anyway, as most of us were aged between 40 to 70, social distancing was implicit in the normal vain attempts to mark anyone half decent.