Sir Howard: Right royal mess, Harry’s next move

Sir Howie Elston, our House of Windsor correspondent, reports from outside the gates of somewhere very posh on the Harry/Meghan decision.



I can reveal (scribbles Sir Howard), after a gigantus sit-down with Hezza and Meggz, what their next move will be after telling Buckingham Palace to take a majestic flying leap.

They’re planning to be ‘independent’ except for their royal tag, their £2 million house renovated on the taxpayers’ dime and the trailing clouds of muscle power for still being a Windsor family club member.

Harry told me in an incisive no-holds-barred thirty second sit-down about the bigtime deals afoot.

They include:

++King’s Road Conservation Committee – board director £100,000 pa

++Queen’s Arms – weekend bartender/cellarman- £20,000 pa plus free drinks and cashews

++Windsor Knot Society – spokesman to raise awareness on the correct way to tie a tie – £25,000 pa

++Royal Spice Mansion – joint executive head chefs for my favourite curry house here in Blighty – £25,000 pa

++The Buckinghams festival – Dual MCs for this annual event celebrating this forgotten sixties rock group – £tba

++Polo Club: online ads for Britain’s favourite sweetie mint that melts in your mouth – £1.2 million pa

++Prince Trust: Frontpersonages for charity raising money in memory of the guy that sang Purple Rain – £1 millon pa

++Palace Arts – The couple will compere shows at Winnipeg’s Palace Theatre featuring Manitoba’s top nightclub acts – £55,000 pa

++TV interviews: wall to wall heartrending interviews with every morning TV show going – ££ tba neg+ global rights 

Hazza and Meggz will now sign on at the Toronto benefits office to span their dark periods of unemployment. They will give away their estimated £32 million pool of royal money and they’ll reject the estimated £2.5 million pa income from Harry’s father, the king to be Charles.

“We want to live like normal people,” the Prince told me, adding, “And be able to walk down a Canadian street just like anyone else with royal blood in their veins surrounded by security. Look at what my uncle Andrew achieved’’.


4 thoughts on “Sir Howard: Right royal mess, Harry’s next move

  1. I suggest we import them as Lord and Lady Mayoress of Birmingham and offer to put them up at the Council House as part of a Capita outsourcing deal. Andy Street can do their PR work and the King of Brum can watch the Villa….

  2. Harry & Meghan – who they? Were they the winners of ‘Love Island’?

    From: The Hereford republican sleeper cell.

Comments are closed.