Sir Howie Elston, our House of Windsor correspondent, reports from outside the gates of somewhere very posh on the Harry/Meghan decision.
I can reveal (scribbles Sir Howard), after a gigantus sit-down with Hezza and Meggz, what their next move will be after telling Buckingham Palace to take a majestic flying leap.
They’re planning to be ‘independent’ except for their royal tag, their £2 million house renovated on the taxpayers’ dime and the trailing clouds of muscle power for still being a Windsor family club member.
Harry told me in an incisive no-holds-barred thirty second sit-down about the bigtime deals afoot.
They include:
++King’s Road Conservation Committee – board director £100,000 pa
++Queen’s Arms – weekend bartender/cellarman- £20,000 pa plus free drinks and cashews
++Windsor Knot Society – spokesman to raise awareness on the correct way to tie a tie – £25,000 pa
++Royal Spice Mansion – joint executive head chefs for my favourite curry house here in Blighty – £25,000 pa
++The Buckinghams festival – Dual MCs for this annual event celebrating this forgotten sixties rock group – £tba
++Polo Club: online ads for Britain’s favourite sweetie mint that melts in your mouth – £1.2 million pa
++Prince Trust: Frontpersonages for charity raising money in memory of the guy that sang Purple Rain – £1 millon pa
++Palace Arts – The couple will compere shows at Winnipeg’s Palace Theatre featuring Manitoba’s top nightclub acts – £55,000 pa
++TV interviews: wall to wall heartrending interviews with every morning TV show going – ££ tba neg+ global rights
Hazza and Meggz will now sign on at the Toronto benefits office to span their dark periods of unemployment. They will give away their estimated £32 million pool of royal money and they’ll reject the estimated £2.5 million pa income from Harry’s father, the king to be Charles.
“We want to live like normal people,” the Prince told me, adding, “And be able to walk down a Canadian street just like anyone else with royal blood in their veins surrounded by security. Look at what my uncle Andrew achieved’’.
I suggest we import them as Lord and Lady Mayoress of Birmingham and offer to put them up at the Council House as part of a Capita outsourcing deal. Andy Street can do their PR work and the King of Brum can watch the Villa….
Happy 2020!
Oh that Sir Howard is so insightful
It’s a conspiracy. They want him out ’cause he’s a ginger
Harry & Meghan – who they? Were they the winners of ‘Love Island’?
From: The Hereford republican sleeper cell.