Sir Howard Elston, The Queen’s Surveyor of Great Art, lifts the lid on HM’s new series of postage stamps.

I am sitting deep within the bowels of the British Postal Office’s main HQ, chugging a meditative beer&whisky Boilermaker with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

She is showing me her newest and proudest heritage artifact to decorate her long and bountiful reign. They are nothing less than a series of new stamps to commemorate the enlightened and edifying Brexit debate which has blessed our green and soggy isle and will do so much to boost our worldwide reputation.

Here they are:

The top image, designed by renowned Californian artist Antonio de Kubek shows a late medieval soldier of the realm ready to launch Britain into the future. Kubek used no one less than Lord Boorish Johnson as his model. HM told me between gentle sips of her Boilermaker: “Howie, I groove on this best. Like, it sums up where my head is right now…hic… “.

The lower left image, taken from offcuts of a 1943 Humphrey Bogart movie called My Left Foot, was designed by renowned political creep Michael Gove as he once again failed to knife his Brexit boss Theresa May in the back despite his unique skills in this trade.

And lower right, my personal favourite if I may add a touch of humble opinion, is a Snapchat selfie taken by Prince Charles (lui meme)  as he realised his blessed mother still has a couple of years left in her and he will inherit the throne when he just about hits 87 and is left with parts of Kensington to rule and nothing else as Team GB fragments into tiny clumps of swamp and rusted metal that will drift aimlessly in  a silver sea (choked by baby wipes and Starbucks detritus).

Phil, a noted Yorkshire art expert and a pretty dab hand at Audi body work added: “Ey oop lads, those stamps are disgusting. Gimme some early Renaissance Giotto or quiet narrative minimalism from Vermeer any day.

“But, that said, from the land of David Hockney, God bless the Queen and all who sail in her.”