May to EU: Drop dead – Brave Brits will do all the work



Theresa May, England chief, tells our Westminster snoop Sir Howard Elston how Euro-workers can f***k off.

British Prime Munster El Tel May told me today (scribbles Lord Elston) that low-skilled migration will fall when the UK ends EU free movement access after Brexit.

The PM said high-skilled workers would be prioritised with no preferential treatment for people from the EU compared with those from the rest of the world.

Sitting pertly in her hotel suite prior to the highly charged Tory conference bunfight overlooking the delights of Birmingham’s tedious road construction, she said:

“Send ‘em back. Sisters and brothers, we’re doin’ it for ourselves’’

“The English, Scots, Northern Irish and Welsh would love to pick carrots, clean hospital toilets and smile benignly dealing with arsey Starbucks customers,” she commented as she re-adjusted her leopard print shoes and smoothed her silver locks.


Happy BRITISH workers

“It’s our national inclination to roll up our sleeves and get stuck in and not get loaded on the weekend and get in meaningless fights outside ropey night-clubs and remain hypnotised by online betting scams. And, as a nation that is so obese it can’t tie its own shoes, I know everyone will chaff at the bit to clock in for Britain.’

“I know Brit workers – and that may include the Welsh – will want to do brain-numbing jobs. They’ve been waiting for their chance and now they can really contribute to Inger-lund’s green and pleasant land and offshore money laundering industry.”

“Look at me,” she added. “I had only an Oxford education and a high level whizz-kid job in the City to fall back on and now I’m the most important person in Downing Street…until Boris takes over.”

Phil, a West Midlands car dealer and keen political observer, observed: ‘Jobs? What jobs? Gimme a bloody break. All the companies will be corporate rats leaving a sinking island after Brexit and will re-locate to  Frankfurt, Paris and Copenhagen by the time we leave the EU. Gimme a break.’