Find out just what the US prez and the Pyongyang dictator really said, according to hush hush summit transcripts handed over to our diplomatical editor Sir Howard Elston.

The following explosive Korean files were passed over to me (writes Sir Howard) at a secret drop zone somewhere near my luxury hideaway just south of Thermopolis, Wyoming. They reveal at just how high a level the dialogue has evolved since the two leaders became buddies to make this planet a safer place:

Donald Trump: You big poo face. I’ll bust your commie ass.

Kim Jong-un: You and who else? You ain’t got no friends, Mr Fat Ass.

DT: At least I got a ass, you got a haircut like a lawnmower went postal on your stoopid commie head

KJU: At least I got a head. And hair that don’t look like a dumb haystack.

DT: Big talk from a chubby rocket boy now that you got no Chinese buddies anymore to back up your big fat mouth

KJU: Bagel face

DT: Tushie nose…and watch out, I’m going home and taking my bats and balls with me

KJU: You ain’t got no balls…

DT: Yeah, but you got….

(This engrossing exchange continues with a full transcript that can be found at no cost at sirhowardspeaks.fat)