Theresa May launches big rocket in latest EU battle

UK launch

Interstellar reporter Sir Howard Elston describes the UK’s most daring outer space adventure yet. 

Brit boss Terri May is leading Uk-ville to the stars and beyond with the launch of her new missile (see above)  as she opened the latest battle to shrug off the slave shackles of the EU (writes Sir  Howard).

The rocket, called The Brexit-18, will orbit the solar system for 78 centuries as she begins ‘a new chapter for this emerald isle which we so love and adore’, she told me exclusively  at Ballistic HQ last night.

The interstellar missile, powered by 24 Rover engines and a second-hand Sunbeam drive train, will search for new planets to populate, May told me over a capsule of hydrated peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

Mobile Launch Pad Number 3

“My country, it’s f*cked,” she explained. “It’s a swamp and once we leave EU-land, we will begin to transfer our citizens, especially the unemployed, to a new planet where peace, joy and a secure barded wire compound will be built.”

“And until then,” she continued, “we will continue to build fraternal links with Northern Rhodesia, the burgeoning Jamaican sugar plantations, the Spice Islands and the Ottoman Empire.” she concluded.

Her projectile includes a picture of the Queen (God bless her), an FBI wanted poster of Boris Johnson and a jar of Marmite in case outer space people get  bit hungry or are intrigued by a British diet.

Scientists at control centre one

Technicians (see above for jocular picture) said the flight launch has been a success.

Phil, an outer space expert and also an award-winning second-hand car dealer from the Bay Ridge area of Brooklyn, commented in a commenty sort of way: “We’ll show them Russkis and those Commies and those Euro-things who really leads from the front. We enjoy watching our island slowly sink into La Manche with loony policies about going it alone. We’re plucky Britain and we won the wars on our beaches, in the trenches and…”

(continued tomorrow. See the full article on






5 thoughts on “Theresa May launches big rocket in latest EU battle

  1. Maybe the space ship will meet up with Elon Musk’s car so that all will transported with their Marmite!

  2. Is it powerful to take the whole Palace of Westminster with it? Would save the trouble of the renov.

  3. I’m voting for Terri! She’s providing the sort of strength and stability we need for a dodgy rocket programme never mind Brexit.
    If she’s going to Mars will we (sic) be able (required) to suspend the Brexit negotiations – she will be away for a few years??
    Make sure that she has a good supply of essentials (e,g, spare toothbrushes and sparkling Scottish water ) before we send her off.
    P.S. Don’t tell Terri what I said about Liam and David. Also why do we need to buy Scottish water when Severn Trent do such a good job with the muddy black stuff from Northamptonshire?


    “Terri for President!”

Comments are closed.