The latest report from the hot desk of Sir Howard Elston
Sweary-mouth British PM Theresa May today told President Trump that she’ll never go across the pond because “Trumpland is a dump.”
She was due to travel overnight to officially open the new post graduate Surfing Research Centre at North Nebraska University of Second Choice. But as Friday evening descended, she told aides: “Can it, the prez comes from white trash. Cash in the tickets.
“But keep the air miles. I won’t spend a night in any of his lice infested mansions.”
Reporters heard her roar:“Donald’s golf course in New Jersey to run by hoods. The course is used as a crack den on the week ends for drugged out Russian gangsters. And Mar-a-Lard (sic) in f***cking Florida is a fat camp for overblown Yanks with too much money and little sense. The whole joint is overrun with hookers…most of them from the Jersey shore.”
“His cash is trash where I come from,” she shouted. And then added: “Trumpland is a sh*thole.”
The White House was not responding last night to the furious Blighty riposte. But Phil, noted Beltway commentator and secondhand car dealer from Padooka Kentucky, surmised: “Mizz May is one tough cookie.” And then cocking his well-used black cowboy hat and scratching a tattooed arm laced with needle tracks, he blithely continued: “Trumpie might have to dance fast to get his fat ass out of the way of her wrath.”
For a full transcript of PM May’s blast, log in to [email protected]
NOTE FROM OUR PUBLISHER: We have made the decision at corporate level not to fully print out the naughty words that Mr Trump has enunciated. This is a family website so we have used asterisks to cloak gutter argot.