BBC-vision: Today’s TV listings brought to you by Sir Howard Elston

Sir Howard Elston writes: As managing director of the BBC, I am able to offer a special preview of what is scheduled for tonight


8.45pm-9.00pm- Definitive  preview of Donald Trump’s tweets and today’s victims which include The Australian Prime Minister, the Senate, the CIA and British Honduras

9:00-10.00- Newsnight Special news investigation: Tonight, how President Donald Trump used his acumen to re-alter global finances. In depth interviews with former colleagues not yet in jail

10:00-10.30-  Nightly news: The BBC cuts back its Trump coverage to only 27 minutes of this nightly half hour show to leer at Trump’s appalling gaffes, tsk-tsk over his mal a droit behaviour and flesh it out with a lot of commentators.

10.30-10.35  Weather with a meteorologist whose name we don’t remember: Tonight, a special look at climate change over the White House in the next 72 hours.

10.35pm-11:00- Trump Special Report: With public interest still at a high level over the White House incumbent, we slavishly follow our viewers’ requests  with a special look at Trump’s hands. Tonight: are they really that small? And just how fat is he?

11.00-11.02- a two minute Late news extra: Reporters file on Brexit, the Mid East, the Oscars, Russian involvement in the Ukraine, the philosophy of Hannah Arendt, the latest US police killings, a big storm somewhere that’s killed 226  Indonesians and the latest Wall Street crash scandal. Plus in depth analysis of all stories

11.02-11.15- Desert Isles Disc: a special TV edition of this radio classic. Tonight, President Trump’s ten favourite John Wayne ballads

11.15-12.00- Celebrity Shiney Floor X Factor Spectacular: Piers Morgan, L. Ron Hubbard and Simon Cowell join a celebrity jury to decide  who will partner Donald J Trump who has already picked himself to be in the final dance-off. Tonight’s dance style-The Boogaloo

12.00-01.30- Movie Special: Give ‘Em Hell. Another showing for the all action movie about a bunch of blond mentally disordered property dealers who rebel against the system and conquer the world and stuff. Only secret spy thing Lady Dame Helen Mirren can save the world (18 and over, violence, sadism, naughty language)

4.06am-4.16am: Last Local News: We ask Bullring shoppers what they think of Trump, cover a triple fatal car crash,  film cuddly kittens that resemble Trump, visit the Leicestershire village of Trumpington on Trump and ask: ‘What kind cheese would you share with the President?’



4 thoughts on “BBC-vision: Today’s TV listings brought to you by Sir Howard Elston

  1. Please let Sir Howard know that he has a small but significant factual faux pas……Our beloved leaders favorite musical artist, and so his desert discs, are by Wayne Newton.

  2. A pretty accurate assessment of the wholly impartial left wing bias of the BBC.
    What joy to climb aboard a licence fee funded gravy train and sink into the comfort of an old arm chair overstuffed with privilege .
    Just remind me again. Did Trump win the American election or not?
    Well we get the leaders we vote for and he is doing no more than he promised to. How nice would it be if our elected leaders actually fulfilled the manifesto promises which got them to power.
    Cue outraged trolling from metropolitan elite.

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