The Birmingham Press

The Sir Howard Interview: Tony Blair reveals all

Former Labour Party leader and Prime Minister Tony Blair

Former Labour Party leader and Prime Minister Tony Blair

Our chief crime correspondent Sir Howard Elston sits down with the former Prime Minister following the damning Chilcot Report into the Iraq war.

Sir Howard Elston: Lovely to see you, Antoine. Howya doing, bro’?

Tony Blair: Let me make one thing totally clear, I am your brother, your bro’, but also the brother of all men and women on this planet and…

HE: Yes, let’s cut to the chase. Many have called you a total fuckwit for how you deceived the public over your warmongering

TB: Let me be perfectly clear, Howie. When you say ‘fuckwit’, let’s take  a look at it. Yes, I am a wit, a man with a jocular nature. And yes, if by fuck you mean sexually active and virile, I am that too. So, yes I am a virile manly funny dude. Let me be clear about that….

HE: A dissembling jerk?

TB: Let me be clear about this and how I feel about…

HE: Poodle of the Yankee military complex?

TB: Decisions had to be made. Let me make something perfectly clear at this juncture…..

HE: Conniving political hack who lied to a nation?

TB: Let me be….

HE: Now, your personal life…

TB: Let me be clear. I am just  a normal married guy, an average Joe.

HE: …who shows up at Wendy Deng’s house for a weekend?

TB: You mean the former wife of Rupert Murdoch who is now married to Mick Jagger’s ex-wife?

HE: You just about hit the bullseye there, Mr Average Joe.

HE: While we’re at it….just why did you stop the UK’s Serious Fraud Squad investigation into the multi-million pound BAE bribery scandals in Saudi Arabia over dubious arms deals?

TB: Well, I do have a record of serious fraud, so I know a thing or two about this and let me…

HE: Antoine, always  a groove. Thanks.

TB: Better make the appearance fee in cash, if you don’t mind.

HE: Consider it done.

TB: End of the week?

HE: I’ll talk to accounts ASAP.

@sirhowardelston

 

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