Sir Howard Elston, scourge of the right, terror of the left, sits down with The Teflon Don.

I have just finished my hush-hush, top secret, in camera, behind closed doors 1-2-1 interview with the Prince of America – Lord Sir Donald Trump – as he makes his slow climb to the throne of the United Snakes. He was lucid, clearly unhappy with the ankle enforcement bracelet that the FBI has made him wear when outside his secure compound, off his meds and ready, as usual, to talk.

Trumpie looked fit and healthy after a 38 second work out at his Trumpnasium in downtown Monterey. Here is a snatch picture caught by this website’s snapper in chief who is on the road with me:

Trump: looking g-o-o-o-d  

Sir Howard: Donald, you look as if you’re ready to roll.

Lord Trumpie: I’m gonna git onna road and smash some heads. That’s my domestic and international policy. Today, Mitt gets the Trump-bulldozer. Tomorrow Ms Clinton gets the knife because I want back my $10 billion I gave her when she last ran as a Democrat leader.

SH: I’m getting a lot of readers’ letters in from Britain and..

LT: Yeah, England. I love it. Especially my golf courses in Scotland. But wow, you have awful teeth, awful food, awful weather, awful…

SH: Let me continue. Sally from Helmsley in Yorkshire asks: “Why are you such a fat idiot?”

LT: And when I get to Old Blighty with your food, your teeth and your weather, I’ll be looking for her along with Mitt and Hillary..and, by the way what kind of Commie pinko name is Hillary? She’s gonna get thrown back over the wall into Red Mexico when I become king.

Trumpie backers go wild in Hyannis, Mass.

SH: And Raymondo from London queries: “Why are you such a fat idiot?”

LT:(throwing himself on the floor and chewing a priceless Afghan hilltribe rug). Raymondo, what kind of Commie pinko name is that? When I get to England, I’m gonna fire Prince William, put Charles in an old folks home and replace Buckingham Palace with a golf course…

SH: (exiting and daintily sidestepping Trump as he knaws at the carpet); Sir Donald…always a pleasure.