“If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying…”

cashRichard Lutz reports on the bankers that have been stealing from us and continue to steal from us.

The scandal involving criminal behaviour in our banking system has resulted in £3.6 billion in fines handed out to five big time institutions.

They have been found guilty of rigging foreign exchange markets which means you and I pay the price at the till at our local shops, paying our utility bills and swapping sterling for foreign currency on our holidays. It’s massive fraud.

The traders rigged currency exchange rates even after their banks were fined earlier in this decade for meddling with Libor rates. In effect, they did it again. The in-house cartels can’t stop stealing.

There are a couple of major issues to be deal with here or, rather, not being dealt with.

Firstly, why does it take the US authorities to slap these penalties on these criminal banks? Why not UK regulatory bodies (which the British banks obviously hate and moan about all the time)?

And why aren’t the senior bosses of these five pushed into a cell until names are handed over to police so big time charges can ensue? After all, either they know the culprits and are guilty by association. Or they don’t know the culprits and are incompetent and should be sacked themselves.

And, thirdly, why is it that a bunch of jewel thieves (alleged) can be tracked down and put in front of a judge for nicking millions from secure safes in the audacious Hatton Street Raid but no-one is ever charged with billion pound fraud by fixing rates illegally?


“If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying”

The FBI, love them or hate them, hit the five banks hard, calling it “criminality on a massive scale”. But no urbane MD nor chairman will face police inquiries. No-one will not only be charged but even identified. Their real guilt – they got caught.

I googled each bank to see what they cynically used as their catchphrases on TV and in print ads. Here goes:

Barclays: It uses the acronym RISES. This stands for Respect, Integrity, Service, Excellence, Stewardship. Yep, a nice ring to it. I really like Respect (for the robbed customer) and Integrity (for lying through their rotten teeth by rigging rates)

RBS: This shipwreck of a bank uses the phrase: Our business Is Yours. Nice but their business is grand larceny. It should read Our business is none of your business.

JP Morgan: It crows: The Way Forward.Yes, Forward to more loot, I would think.

Citigroup: This bank spent a billion bucks on the catchphrase: Live Richly. Yes, if you’re a crook.

And finally UBS: “We will not rest” And with this logo, I will let you fill in the rest.

What each of the above should have in their campaigns is what one of the traders cackled on an online chatroom: If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying’

Maybe that would win customers. It’s at least honest.

Footnote: Barclays’ stock value went up £1.5 billion because of a 3% rise in its price due to relief that the fine was not larger.





7 thoughts on ““If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying…”

  1. …A good idea. I haven’t seen anyone compare bank advertising slogans with their prosecution record before.

    According to the FT this morning Andrew Garnier [Wyre Forest] is thinking of challenging Andrew Tyrie for Chairmanship of the Treasury Committee. The Treasury Committee has been a pretty impressive over the last 5 or 6 years, almost up to the standard of some of the tough Senate Committees, thanks, in large part, to Tyrie.

    Garnier wants to end banker bashing.

  2. …loverly piece…..at least the UBS starpline is honest (‘We Will Not Rest’)……that’ll be the coke then…..!

  3. And only last night Bullingdon Boy Osborne was complaining in a speech at a CBI dinner about EU Banking Regulations, introduced in recent to the 2008 banking disaster. Meanwhile, the one man in Government in recent years who actually wanted to tackle the banks – Vince Cable – is not only out of office but out of Parliament. The voters of Twickenham responsible for him losing his seat should be ashamed of themselves.

  4. …….on this……catching up on today’s wider coverage….. I see Georgina Philippou head of the Financial Conduct Authority described RBS’s behaviour as “…anotther example of unacceptable practices….”
    What a jolly stern telling off ! Well I just hope you’re all proud of yourselves chaps. Now carry on and don’t let me catch you at this again or you’ll feel the back of my hand ….!!

  5. …….Oh…and while I’m at it….. RBS has apparently paid off 3 staff and suspended another two. If a teacher or doctor are struck off they are guaranteed at least 3 days of tabloid and TV coverage, so B’ham Press…..can we have names and addresses please..? It will help them get a few quid in interview ‘exclusives’ in a few months from now !

  6. Brilliant , I am with you all the way,but who gets the fines and why are we not levying them, Come to think about it perhaps I could fine them

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