Lord Howard Elston, our north o’ yon border reporter says there is a front runner as contender for the vacant Scottish throne if the Yes Vote wins

DATELINE: a secret hush hush chipshop just a wee bit ootside Glasgow

Today I can reveal confidential plans by the SNP and Ole Balloonhead to re install an heir to the vacant Scots royal throne. In months of behind closed doors, in-camera, mega-secret top level talks, Alec Salmond will thrust Rupe the Snoop Murdoch onto the monarchical stage as King Roop The First.

Mr Salmond told me over an Irn Bru sodden tete-a-tete at one of the more exclusive Wetherspoons hostelries in downtown Dundee: “Here is a man with deep Scottish roots who, for the sake of a nation, has peeped into the lives of celebs, the vulnerable, the sick, all for the love of informing the public about the great issues of the day.

“There is no alternative but to foist the crown on his head.”

With millions hypnotised by Alec and his brood, it is apparant that since the Oxford University mob of vapid headless chicken Westminster leaders are running scared, the Yes vote may just get away with an independence swing.

A source told me: “Scotties have no love for the effete,sad, parasitic Winsor vermin that now run Buckingham Palace.”

But everyone loves a monarch so King Roop is a natural choice since he looks like a desiccated mushroom and can’t keep a gold digging wife who, if things turned out, would have been Queen Wendy if she hadn’t gone running for advice to Loony Toony Blair.”

It is understood that Mr Murdoch will swear allegiance to a new Scotland on a stack of puke stained Sun newspapers and will begin building wind farms off of every bit of shoreline that borders Donald Trump’s golf courses.

“This will be to ensure there is no rival to his dynastic dreams.” the haggis-dribbling source continued. “La Murodch wants completely innocent Rebekah Brooks to take over the throne once his cryogenic body turns to compost when he turns 108.”

Royal watcher Phil from Leeds, who runs a tattoo shop in Roundhay, commented: “Karumba and f’**^^**ng hell, by jings. King Roop the Snoop!!!!!! I advise anyone attending the coronation not to make a phone call within 90 miles of the royal palaces.”

“The quicker the border posts go up at Carlisle, the better,” he opined, watching another interminable cricket match and eating the vestiges of a year old Yorkie bar.