Boris to the rescue

Trump for London?

SIR HOWARD ELSTON (DOA), scourge of the establishment and a senior director of the Hair Stylists’ Association of Greater Manchester and Sale, reveals the shock news about the above pair of wispy blond luminaries.

In a move likely to cause ructions throughout the western world and Other Bits that have lots of money, I can expose today how Donald Trump and Lord Sir Boris Johnson will swap roles in the upcoming months.

Straight from an exclusive tip-top hush-hush in camera confidential chitchat with their tonsorial expert, Mr Gary, it is expected that the strangely quaffed duo will soon swap roles.

Donald ‘Don’t Touch My Hair’ Trump D’Oyle will take over the mayoralty chair in London. And The Human Thatched Cottage, Blowdry Johnson, will re- emerge after a two hour stint with Mr Gary as Scotland’s most famous golf impresario.

A spokesman for Mr Frump, who does not haves a wig and twice has won Mr Comb-Over of The Year Award at Leeds’ famous Downtown Premier Inne and Bar and Grille, trilled: “Mr Troop D’Oyle has so many ideas for London. Many have to do with levelling palaces, parliaments and parks to construct a 4,000 square mile heliport where rich people don’t live.”

“And if anyone objects, La Donald will plant Leylandii trees around their property to help them shade themselves from the harmful effects of sunshine, fresh air and oxygen.”

And a spokesthing for Boris quipped: “Boris is a true athlete at heart and golf plays a central role in his life. Remember him on the zip wire at Augusta? He was prepared to look like a dick for Britain.”

Wendy, a well known political commentator and a specialist in Scottish underwater wrestling, added: “Bring on La Boris and that idiosyncratic mane of straw that passes for a hairstyle. He’s Eton’s answer to Worzel Gummage.”

And she added: “He may be blue blood. But he’s Scotland right down to his haggis and red sauce.”