HOWARD ELSTON, our environment editor, explains how we should protect our clean air as two political losers go head to head.
Londoners were tonight bracing themselves for another period of enforced pollution as UKIP gauleiter Neville Farrago and Kolonel Nico von Klegg,leader of the Libdumb Party, slugged it out in yet another useless chapter of their sterile debate marathon.
Big Nev struck the first blow, declaring all Oxbridge educated politicians should undergo a citizen’s test. Kleggie hit back by accusing the UKIP commandante of picking on deprived Bullingdon Club members who could not defend themselves as they were all in their Chipping Norton second homes receiving minute by minute updates on the Rebecca Brookes trial.
Kleggie then went on the offence. He accused Big Norbert of resembling a second-rate provincial estate agent from a second-rate market town. Big Nev hit back saying he could come up with a very fine semi-detached three bedroom number where “…all the neighbours had passports…”
Cammo (left) and flunkie
The knock-down battle continued with Nev accusing Europe of Manchester United’s demise and the late spring. Kleggmeister dismissed the allegation with a ruthless swipe at Mr Farrago’s dress sense which revolves around his wide range of pretend waxed jackets he purchases at TK Maxx fire sales.
On foreign affairs, Big Newt pointed to success stories outside the EU. ‘Look at Afghanistan. There, independent small businessmen now represent 30% of GNP with their opium crop.’ the smooth talking UKIP topman said. Kleggo countered that the Europeans Union has successes too, ensuring that its HQ is in two cities thus guaranteeing more jobs.
The testy debate gave rise to an amber warning in London and the Midlands for a severe carbon-heavy environmental hazard zone which would only be alleviated by a dose of heavy rain and the immediate expulsion of Messrs Farrago and Kleggie to a minor industrial city in Russian-held Crimea.
An exit poll found 0% now back Big Nigel while 100% still have no idea who Kleggo is.
I HAVE never seen anything like it. Nick Clegg’s trouncing in a televised debate with Ukip leader Nigel Farage this week was spectacular. Not so much for the drubbing of the deputy Prime Minister – even among the Lib Dem faithful, his popularity has been in the doldrums for years. Nor for the strengths of Farage, whose policies on immigration in particular remain ill-judged. But never has the great gulf fixed between our entire political class and the public it exists to serve been clearer.