Howard Elston (DOA) has a late update on that political kidnapping that has rocked our nation to its very Jimmy Choo kitten heels.
ENGER-LAND Prime Minister Davee C has returned to his office after being held for several days by militiamen in a Libyan style snatch and grab.
The UKIP Revolutionaries Operations Room said it had captured Our Dave (Eton, Oxford, Bullingdon) in his Chipping Norton armed compound, claiming it was acting on orders from Libdem Party hardman Nick (The Kingmaker) Klegg.
Mr Klegg has been running under the radar for the past two weeks increasing rumours that he was about to stage a late night coup or else was avoiding hacks and snappers after having had a bad day at the hair stylists.
His press officer Lord Chris Huhne (Earl of of HMP Wandsworth) said in a written statement: ‘We deny we have anything to do with the kidnap, the invasion of Afghanistan, the pull out from Afghanistan, the closure of the American federal government, speeding, lying to the court or…anything else, really.’
Cammo (left) and flunkie
The Revolutionary Committee was one of several groups angered by a recent composite motion at the Tory Conference calling for the immediate imprisonment of all taxpayers outside of the Home Counties and the Cotswolds.
The Revolutionaries Operations Room (LROR) said it now hoped to re-institute order after it has set up a military committee to run the UK and lead the way to a democracy ‘when this country is mature enough and ready for it.‘
A source within the renegade camp told me over a cup of nice warming soup and a Mars Bar-lite:’We will grab more well known faces in the coming months including Bruce off a Come Dancing, that creep that runs The Daily Mail and that fat guy with the eyebrows who wants to be king of Scotland.’
Phil, a top car salesman from posh Harrogate who also knows a thing or two about politics and super injunctions commented: ‘Now that Dave C has been released, I can buy more Royal Mail shares. Mine’s a pint of bitter and a three door Clio with A/C, ta very much.’
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