Our diplomatic hack, Sir Howard Elston (DOA), warns of yet another news bombshell about to explode.

Inside sources dwelling in the hush-hush world of top secret Whitehall backrooms have told me that the UK government will begin a shutdown after the two main parties (Tory and UKIP)  failed to agree new policies over most things.

Dave Cameron, Enger-land’s Prime Minister, walked out of confidential meetings with loony UKIP boss Nigel Farrago early this morning, sparking a shutdown order within the hallways of power here in Westminster, UK.

The insider told me: ‘The Tories are holding their talkfest in Manchester during their annual knees-up, but the real talking is taking place in a Premier Inn Executive Conference Room near Redditch over who rules the United Britain we all know and love.’

‘When the parlaying broke down’, she added, ‘the government closed up shop. I understand this will have ramifications in the US which is also dropping its shutters.’

The prime sticking points for The Untied Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) is over welfare, immigration, Syria, banking, immigration, education, welfare,  immigration, transport and, most importantly, immigration.

Cameron (left) and flunkie on eve of closedown

Mr Fartaggo, smoking a Hamlet cigar, quaffing a pint of Tribute and wearing his 26 year old Barbour jacket personally autographed by Geoffrey Boycott, quipped; ‘I am the reason this country will shut down. We will have no post offices, no welfare offices, no buses or trains, no tv and no health and safety experts.’

‘And one more thing, we will have no David Cameron with his bolshie Trotsky ideas about fair play and the common man who, by the way, he has never met except once when he was on a work experience week while at toff’s school Eton and he took a cab and spoke to the taxi driver about Arsenal.’

More than 200,000 government employees face unpaid leave with no guarantee of back pay once the deadlock is eventually over.

It is the first shutdown in 432 years and, in response, the English pound fell early on Wednesday. In addition,  US commentator Eddie Burke commented in a commentator-like way once he was paid his grubby £50 for commenting said: ‘The Untied Kingdom closed for business?. When was it open?’

 @sirhoward elston