The US Secretary of State sits down for an audience with our own very diplomatic supremo, Sir Howard Elston (DOA)

Howard Elston: Mr Secretary, congratulations on your joint success with Russia in stopping use of chemical weapons in Syria

John Kerry: Yes, we are pleased that we have stopped this ghastly episode

HE: It means thousands will not die from these inhuman  attacks

JK: Yes, instead they can be legitimately slaughtered by planes, guns and bullets

HE: And let’s not forget being butchered by machetes, rocket grenades and bayonets

JK: Yes, The Russians and we are glad to bring some sanity back into the war

HE: It will take  until 2014 to remove the stockpiles

JK: Yes, the Russians and us are happy that the Syrians will use the chemical arsenal for only one more year.

HE: And then…?

JK: A better more pleasant way to butcher people will continue and terrorise the Syrian population A great day for sanity

HE: A laudable decision too that Assad and his lieutenants must report on what stockpiles  they have buried away within a week

JK: Except of course, for the chemical weapons they won’t tell us about

HE: A milestone, indeed

JK: We’re very proud of that.

HE: Indeed. Mr Secretary, thank you

JK: Of course, the thanks are appreciated