As the all important transfer window shuts, our diplomatic editor SIR HOWARD ELSTON (DOA), gives us the inside dope on a political spending spree that’ll see new faces on both sides of the Commons this coming autumn
The Labour Party is set to unveil its new signing tomorrow when it asks a top Tory name to sign on the dotted line, I can reveal.
For the first time a politico will get £100m for the transfer and tonight insiders are telling me it could be current Tory Home Secretary Theresa May who may be the new girl to bolster Miliband’s stalled juggernaut.
Even by Westminster’s big bucks standards, the fee is huge. An insider told me in a tip top hush hush confidential off the record interview at an Islington cafe over sushi and and Irn Bru Lite: ‘Ed has hit the rocks and has no goal scoring punch. His backbench lacks unity and his frontbench is all over the place and won’t pass the ball. The May transfer will give him the strength it needs.’
Rumours abound inside the Westminster ring. It’s known that Miliband also wants to trade tired ex-frontbencher Tessa Jowell for a young lion of the right- maybe Ed Vaisey or an unknown buried deep in the Treasury. Sources, many of them drunk or infirm, confirmed that his officeals contacted retired MP Louise Mensch about a return to the field as long as she kept to her brief to be outspoken and attractive to middle aged dandruff-ridden men.
One other Labour name that could be on the market stall for a quick sale is Eds Balls who has failed to come up with easy scoring opportunities. Pundits say he may go in a deal that’ll include red-topped Libdum Danny Alexander and cash.
Other names being bandied in the rumour mill may include a surprise signing to bolster the ruling Tory administration.’One name to look for is Nigel Farage,’ said my insider referring to the goggle eyed leader of the bampot UKIP party.
‘He is a maverick but can shoot with power from the right flank.’
Phil from Leeds, a major political commentator and former professional field hockey player said: ‘With May up front, the struggling Premiership Labour side could win a game or two. Without her, it’ll remain the Aston Villa of politics. You can quote me on that. That’ll be £5 please.’
