SHOCK REPORT: TV To Re-Start News Coverage After Olympics


Howard Elston, our media analyst, unveils new plans by the BBC to cover news once the magnificent Games end.

BBC news bosses have revealed to me that starting next Monday, their newshounds will once again report the news.

Once the mixed doubles underwater golf  finishes (it is the last event), programmes such as News at 10 will give the UK all the news it has missed for the past 3 weeks.

The Syrian conflagration, the tumbling British economy, the Standard Chartered scandal and the coalition’s terminal haggling will all hit our screens, the bosses told me over an avocado salad lightly graced by rocket leaves and paid for by the great British public on BBC expenses.

‘I never  think we got it wrong by showing every sport for 28 of the 29 minutes of the evening news,’ the  supremo told me as he sipped the piquant white he had savoured with his food paid for by the great UK public on BBC expenses.

‘And our regional news bulletin- watched in their dozens by  those unfortunate enough to watch outside London- did a great job showing how widgets, ribbons and whistles were produced in their humble areas by people who didn’t have connections to get a ticket.’

‘So what if Assad bombed his own people in what is left of Aleppo?’ he shrugged, ‘ or if one of our most historic banks has been illegally handling billions of dollars given to them by  Iranian theocrat thugs?’

‘I mean, we’re talking London Olympics here…not some negative story that is uncomfortable to watch.’

‘As for the economy, it will bloom once the Games are over. It is the legacy that Boris and Dave have guaranteed so it must be true.’

The boss, who cannot be identified, added that his newshounds are ready to go.

‘Many reporters have been researching big stories down at The Olympic Park or in Tuscany and they have items that will really give your flatscreen a burst of information.’ he added.