by Howard Elston Himself- Our Man In Fleet Street

Monumental pressure by me, Howard Elston, has forced the Murdoch clan to shut the odious News of the World, I can self effacingly reveal.

News Intl said today it can no longer withstand the constant pressure from my mighty pen. This Sunday will be the last issue of this malformed beast to appear on our news stands.

Today David Cameron, an old Etonian who is also our Prime Minister, said: ‘Thanks to Mr Elston (OBE), I can rest tonight knowing this cretinous rag will no longer exist.’

And Nick Clegg, who is also a politician,  added: ‘Yes, whatever Dave says is correct since I am a Liberal Democrat and have no backbone.’

This website spoke to a source known only Phil from Leeds who has worked at the NoW for decades. He said from his Yorkshire redoubt: ‘This is big news. Bigger than Brian Lara playing for Warwickshire. Howard Elston’s bigtime campaign has slain the beast.’

And he added: ‘Does anyone want to buy a used Saab?

A spokesman for Scotland Yard said today it will be reviewing its finances.