2024 is the biggest year ever for democracy, with elections all over the globe, and Binface has more than played his part. He recently ran in the London Mayoral Election and will soon be taking on Prime Minister Rishi Sunak in the General Election (if Rishi makes it that far). Ahead of his date at Birmingham’s Glee Club on 2nd October, he gave us his manifesto.

How are you finding your time on earth?

“I love it! I come to Earth for my holidays. Taking part in democratic elections on your planet is a joy and a privilege, and I also enjoy immersing myself in the wonders of human culture: especially Lovejoy, Ceefax, Adele, and the collected works of Chris Rea.”

Tell us about your show.

“I’m on my (moral) victory lap, fresh from thrashing the fascists of Britain first in the London mayoral election, and then securing my highest ever finish in a General Election against poor old Rishi Now-Axed. In the show, I’ll reveal just what’s gone wrong with your planet and how together we can fix it, all served up with the best sci-fi satire this side of the restaurant at the end of the Universe.”

What do you hope audiences can take away from your show?

“Hope, optimism, wisdom, and that lovely pain you get in the stomach from laughing too hard. Plus they will have the most sophisticated knowledge of croissant-based economics in the cosmos.”

What are the top highlights of your manifesto?

“Price-capping croissants obviously. But I’ll also make water bosses swim in British rivers to see how they like it, I’ll build at least one affordable house, I’ll ban speakerphones on public transport – with offenders to be forced to live with Matt Hancock for a year – and many, many more.”

How was the campaign trail?

“Charming! I love meeting humans up and down the UK and it’s been wonderful getting to know Londoners and Yorkshirians(?) in 2024. I can’t wait to learn more about many more regions of this fine country, and not only so I can pinpoint the most strategic place for me to win an election. Honest.”

What was it like to face off against Rishi in the election this year?

“Very funny. To watch fourteen years of Tory failure come crashing down around him, and to be there as he got an almighty kick in the ballots, was beautiful. To be fair to him, at least he made it to election day. Which is more than you can say for the Clustertruss. I never had the joy of taking her on in electoral combat, because she’s just too damn awful.”

Have you got any advice or thoughts for Keir Starmer?

“I do indeed. First off, congratulations on becoming Prime Minister. But then even Liz Truss managed that, so it can’t be that hard. Now you’re in power, though, Keir, why don’t you try not being such a heartless bastard as the last lot? To start your new wave of austerity by going after winter fuel payments seems a bit harsh. You could take the entire amount you want to raise by a windfall tax on Rishi Sunak and his wife, and they wouldn’t even notice it missing from their bank accounts. Hey presto!

“The Tories might not be able to provide any decent opposition, but I will. Start taking from the rich, or I’ll take your parliamentary seat in 2028. That’s a promise.”

Is there anything or anywhere you are most looking forward to seeing?

“Absolutely. My dear reader, whichever region you happen to live in, that’s the area I’m most eager to visit, bar none. I guarantee it.”

What are your thoughts about coming to Birmingham on 2nd October?

“No alien’s tour of Britain is complete without a visit to brilliant Birmingham. After all, the city is famous for the discovery of Oxygen, the invention of heavy metal, and being the TRUE home of Gladiators in the UK. Vote Binface and I’ll bring the Eliminator home! I also love Birmingham because there’s a crater on the moon named after it, and there’s free parking there for my starship. (I’m not getting rinsed by NCP.)

“And of course Birmingham Yardley is the home patch of Labour MP Jess Phillips, who is very much a common-sense politician. But where is Jess on the crucial issue of affordable croissants? Her silence is deafening. That’s where I come in. Join me at the Glee Club on 2nd October, and let’s bring sanity and hilarity to your great city!”