SIR HOWARD ELSTON, THE GREATEST WITH THE LATEST, GIVES ALL THE DETAILS TO THE BURNING QUESTIONS OF THE DAY.

This from Pat of Doncaster:

Q: Last night, Manchester United lost 4-0 to lowly MK Dons. Why is the team not doing well?

A: Pat, they are not doing well because they are crap.

Sir Howard, confidante of the Premiership stars, answers all your questions each Tuesday night and is available for weddings and confirmations.