From Our Animal Mating correspondent Professor Howard Elston (DOA)

Two giant pandas who zookeepers tried to mate have failed in their combined attempt to make babies.

Male panda DaveDave and his submissive mate Cleggo had only a 48 hour window to breed. But experts at Redditch’s internationally renowned zoo, Whitby Fields, said today that sparks failed to ignite between the pair.

‘There’ll be no coalition this year.’ zookeeper Fred Bromwich said. ‘They both showed limited breeding potential.’

Cleggo: despondent

Cleggo’s hormone levels had dropped to minimal readings yesterday as she shuffled about in the mud and muck of the Panda Love Nest. She showed no enthusiasm and only mimicked what DaveDave did.

Only when she bowed and scraped did she fail to follow his every move.

As for DaveDave, cosseted as he was through infancy at Eton Pet Sanctuary and fed every night at the Bullingdon Panda Pound, he cooed and entertained the crowd who showed up all hours during the 48 hour Love Window.

But he took no action. ‘No real b*lls.’ said panda expert Sir Marcellus Tang.

Now experts may try to switch mates for next year’s shot at the big one. Rumours have it Cleggo will be sent away to the Libdem Home for Retired Animals and red furred DanDan led into the Mating Pen.

But some pundits said : ‘Bring Back VinVin or MingMing’ though they have both stumbled in the past to mate and bond.

So tonight DaveDave is playing with his beachball and eating his bamboo shoots spreckled with caviar and rocket leaves. Below him, in its usually subservient begging posture, Cleggo is …well…doing nothing much