Tories Take to the Streets in Summer of Discontent

From Howard Elston- Our Man in the Know

Dozens, if not hundreds, of cabinet ministers have taken to the streets today for a better financial deal following a breakdown in talks with the rest of the country.

Top names, including celebs,  joined in the demo as they protested in the UK’s major cities. The so called  Dash For Dosh is the first ever where powerbrokers and  really wealthy politicians have stood up for their god given rights publicly before having a spot of lunch at Westminster’s Cinnamon Club.

Demo leader Dave Cameron told me: ‘We’re sick and tired of seeing our millionaire life style eroded by the public sector. Ever since I left the Bullingdon Club during my technical high schooldays at Oxford, I have only seen things get worse.’

Britain practically ground to a halt because of the strike. There are  no long lunches in the House of Commons, nor opening of minor leisure centres in marginal seats, no freebies at Wimbledon and definitelya closedown of non-executive meetings at £4500 a pop for the under siege politicians.

One cabinet senior member told me: ‘I was on my way to Martinique to see how the banana industry was sorting itself out. It was to be a ten day investigation for me, my wife, my two kids and my mistress.’

‘But that’s to be swept aside. We have to have a voice.’

Deputy demo leader George Osborn added: ‘The kid gloves are orf. My dad worked hard as a decorator on the sink estates of treelined Cheshire…and for what? To see our Cayman Island accounts chipped away by teachers and rubbish collectors who are soaking the rich? The next thing I know my Majorcan villa will become a council house.’

In the Birmingham rally, which began at Simpsons restaurant in Edgbaston there were banners proclaiming: ‘Hands off my asset stripping business’ and one that ready simply and eloquently: ‘One law for me, f*ck the others’

Meanwhile in a  march though downtown Chelsea, Nick ‘Janus’ Clegg is holding a special Libdem demo. But he’s not sure why he is doing it. ‘We in the Liberal Democrats are solidly behind whoever put us in power. We are against everything we ever stood for as long as we get a grab at the cake.’

Nearly 800 private schools have been shut today and Lexus sales are down a reported 84 percent. Whole sections of Surrey and parts of Solihull and Harborne are devoid of business. BUPA has warned of profit problems.

The march  included glamorous celebs too. Prince Harry backed  the demo and in his lighthearted cavelier way was  dressed up in his usual paramilitary uniform he so loves. And Naomi Campbell is believed to be giving her next pay cheque to the demonstrators to post bail.

‘It’s our own way of explaining to the public why Michael Gove and company are good for this country.’ added Mr Cameron as he donned facemask and black gloves.