Trump
Boris
Richard Lutz steels himself for the week ahead.
Many times, I sit at the kitchen table with an empty iPad wondering exactly what I will scribble.
Today, boy-o-boy, I’m facing a blank screen because it’s a miasma of chaos, pure chaos. Brexitmanic breakdown, government in a jumble, Trump ready to plop into Britain, World Cup jitters.
Firstly, the resignation of the U.K. Foreign Secretary Boris ‘Mr Blobby’ Johnson was a decision ready to happen. Everything this Etonian train wreck touches turns to tarnished turds – to borrow a phrase he himself coined about the new Brexit campaign. He’s a self serving jerk. His departure,though, means May’s administration is even more untethered, more split with no solution in sight.
And untethered it will be when Trump lands on a whistlestop tour. He’ll avoid London as hundreds of thousands take to the city’s streets to rid this country of this visiting cretin. He’ll carry out meaningless encounters with royalty, the PM and then, unfortunately, he’ll fly up to the Scottish golf resort which he owns which is a bunker away from where we hole up for the summer on the Ayrshire coast.
He’ll hack away on his twin 18 hole courses, eat shit food, watch cartoons on a 90″ TV and then see Putin. Gawd, what a fucking cretin. He, too, is a self-serving jerk, and probably facing criminal charges soon.
Light at the end of the week’s tunnel? It’s two fold. England take the field in Wednesday in the World Cup semi-final. If they beat a gritty Croatian team, it’s the final on Sunday. Team manager is a softly-spoken, waistcoat-wearing ex-player called Gareth Southgate. He’s the first England manager in a long long time not to be a crook, a loudmouth, a grubby, greedy, self-serving jerk, stupid or a pompous old timer out of touch with a modern Britain. Maybe Gareth should become Prime Minister whatever happens on the pitch.
Finally, a spark of light, a spark of hope: the Thai boys are out of that cave. It shows the genius of human perseverance. The genius of persistence. This, at least, ended well.