Sir Howard (left) signing his probation papers
Lord Elston fingered as Top Dawg…
Our very own long term correspondent Sir Howard Elston (OBE) has won the prestigious award as People’s People of the Year for the first time (writes this site’s publisher).
In a poll riddled with voting controversy over Russian dark deeds, a top flight panel of judges has picked him Number One in its annual poll.
In a statement, the illustrious voting board commented in a commenty sort of way: ‘In a fitting end to a year in which he dominated TV screens, weirdo websites and non-factual non-story front pages, Sir Harvey Elston, the distinguished and celebrated diplomatic writer for Thebirminghampress.com, has been named as People’s People of the Year.’
Sir Howard in his formative years as a Texan Hold ‘Em card dealer in Steubenville, Ohio (credit: Tang Pix)
It continues: ‘We recognise the person who “for better or for worse … has done the most to influence the events of the past 12 months”. The official brochure of the event will picture Sir Herbert outside The Joliet State Penitentiary rehab unit wearing his traditional ankle homing alarm and his New York Mets ascot and baseball cap.
The judges pointed to the writer’s six part long form 80,000 word analysis as to why Britain should leave the EU, NATO, Unesco, MUFC, Unicef, WHO, the MLB, the UN, NASCAR, the ELO and the United Kingdom in order to remain sovereign and independent.
Sir Henley demurely gushed: ‘I am, of course. appreciative of the wingnuts who believed all the vicious nonsense that dribbled out of my pen, the rancid lies I perpetrated and the odious poison that erupted from the sphincter of my creative nodes.’
‘It is indeed an honour….’
And he went on: ‘And for that I warmly applaud the judging panel who sadly cannot be present at the award ceremonies as they will be on their yearly away-month at Casa del Howard on the splendid Paraguayan coast enjoying the sun, the dysentary, the mosquitoes, and the guerrilla battalions encamped in the nearby jungle.’
Lord Phil, a noted Yorkshire media commentator who has never received a cent for giving his opinion, opined: ‘Elston should be crammed in the slammer for 45 years for the puke-stained bilge he vomits out…’
‘He deserves the award.’
++Sir Howard’s authoritative contributions to this planet’s journalism are well known and enshrined in his official biography: ‘His Way: Howard Speaks Of Things and Stuff’ which can be bought at all reputable franchises of the Lord Elston Krispy Kreme Charity Shoppes for Sickly Kids.